Not what I got
My quest for Western food on Silom road has sent me off the edge.
Since Burger King drove me away with their consistently undercooked bacon I took the advice of a reader and tried the new Mike’s Burgers at the entrance of soi 1.
I had not been to a Mike’s Burgers before. The design was retro American, with red seats and check board floor. They had a handsome security guard. They had burgers. It was 190 baht for a Double Double meal with cheese.
The boy who took orders was one of us, I am pleased to say.
When I received the meal I could not eat it. The two burgers were severely undercooked. While trying to build the energy to complain I ate the French Fries instead. They were good. But when I had finished all the fries I thought it would look strange to complain so I didn’t.
—
I began to doubt my sanity. Maybe it was something wrong with me, and the burgers were fine. Maybe they didn’t taste raw. Maybe the inside of the burgers was not pale and uncooked. I could be imagining it.
I decided to try Mike’s Burgers again the next day. I asked for “well done”. It took three staff to decipher what “well done” meant. Suk suk, they said.
This time the burgers were better done. Now they had a thin zone of edible meat on each side. But the inside was still not cooked. I could not eat the burgers and resorted to the fries again.
I tried to talk to the boys behind the counter about my problem. But their cheerful smiles, well-meaning innocence and general incomprehension made me give up.
—
I decided to go to Dick’s Café for a test. If they gave me an undercooked Dick’s Burger I would know I had gone mad.
They did not give me an undercooked Dick’s Burger. They gave me no burger at all. They gave me the buns, the fries, the bacon, the egg and some green stuff. I called the waiter.
The waiter could not see anything wrong with my non-burger burger. He called for help from another waiter.
- Burger mai mee burger, I said.
- Mai mee burger! said the waiter and laughed.
I heard this repeated several times between the staff members. Burger no have burger! Ha ha ha funny!
The waiter took my non-burger away with apologies. Two minutes the dish returned and now it had a burger in it. The egg and the bacon had gone cold, but never mind. More importantly I was now out of the cursed undercooked burger zone. Dick’s Burger was fully done and edible. This was a relief.
—
Maybe I am still insane but if I go to Dick’s Café I know that the rays they send to control my mind can’t reach me. The CIA put the transmitter on Silom road. It is disguised as a Skytrain station. But they don’t fool me. It is all part of a vast evil capitalist-imperialist conspiracy.
It is quiet in The Mansion these days. I don’t turn on the television anymore. When I do they are watching me from inside it. They think I don’t notice. But I can see their little heads. They whisper “burgers”.
Tags: Burger King, Dicks Cafe, hamburger, mikes burgers, Silom road
September 28th, 2007 at 11:05 am
Nice, SF, I know the feeling. Same issue in Western Europe on the “Cook’s Tour,” as it were.
So I’d like to visit Thailand for 3 weeks. Is October as rainy as some say? The rates for hotels seem better. Any advice would be appreciated. Traveling single from Los Angeles here.
September 28th, 2007 at 5:09 pm
Do Thais regularly suffer from food poisoning, by any chance?
September 28th, 2007 at 5:34 pm
I know you don’t like to encourage Chalerm to BBQ indoors over an open fire. But drastic means call for drastic measures. I suggest you invite Chalerm for burgers and tell him to bring his stove. When the un-cooked burgers are brought to your table, fire up the stove and cook them to your preference at the table.
September 28th, 2007 at 5:37 pm
Suggestion: Repeat your food test by a France restaurant before making premature conclusions. Ask for a midium/nearly raw cooked steak (as it should be at my opinion), if they make that well done, well… OK, try that first.
September 28th, 2007 at 6:25 pm
“Bangkok belly” is common among Thais. Chalerm has it more often than I do.
October is fine unless you are a beach person. It never rains in the bars.
I like the BBQ self-service idea. I will try it in Mike’s Burgers. If they complain I will say I am doing their job for free.
September 28th, 2007 at 7:17 pm
Do you have a kitchen in The Mansion? You could always make them yourself! It costs me about 20 baht for the ground beef from Tops — then a pack of Farmhouse hamburger buns, and I pick up lettuce, tomato and onions at the salad bar in Tops.
Of course, the remaining problem is the fries. Frozen fries never turn out well. My best luck has come from buying fries outside and then reheating them in the oven as the burger cooks.
September 28th, 2007 at 7:52 pm
Well, right in the middle of paradise and you can’t get a burger!
Go on a visa run and all the guys run from you…
Oh, and you lost black boy….
And now you sit in the mansion and think if you turn the television on people might see you….
I think you need to come home!
September 28th, 2007 at 9:23 pm
Better to suffer from Bangkok Belly than from Bangkok Betty Silom, I am sure about that!!!
LOL
Wouter
September 28th, 2007 at 9:30 pm
190 Baht is expensive by Thai standards. I get the impression that Dick’s burgers are not 100% beef, there’s some sort of burger helper in there but at 80 Baht or is that 90, it’s a good deal.
Both Outback(Siam) and Tony Roma’s(Suk./ Nana) have burgers, I have been to both, but did not order a burger.
September 28th, 2007 at 10:09 pm
…or you could open your own burger stand, on the street, just outside of Mike’s Burgers. Customers could order the burger inside Mike’s, bring it to your cart, and, for 20BHT, get it back cooked correctly. Very little overhead, no need to stock any food. Have your lawyer help you sell franchises, with similar carts all over Bangkok, the money will roll in. A burger emergency is the mother of invention.
-Former Farang
September 28th, 2007 at 11:31 pm
get a George Forman counter top type electric
grill….does burgers, steaks, chops, fish fillets….
but if you don’t want to cook…then DICKS are
better…er…I mean Dick’s is better….
the search for Bangkok’s best burger started here:
http://www.wheretoeat-bangkok.com/restaurant_features/burgers.htm
but check out the Thaivisa forum:
http://www.thaivisa.com/forum/index.php?showtopic=56449
ralfyboy
September 29th, 2007 at 2:03 am
I do understand yoru quest for safe food. I dread the uncooked egges thais put on all food. I like them but suspect they are quite hazarddous. Salmonella is unpleasant I hear.
I don’t eat burgers, but I am curious as to how an undercooked burger looks like to you?
September 29th, 2007 at 2:20 am
An under-cooked burger is not brown like the burger in the photo, but a pale grey, and it tastes raw. Yuck.
September 29th, 2007 at 6:49 am
YUCK indeed!!!
September 29th, 2007 at 11:46 am
I think you need to stick to the “Tube Steaks” they usually plump when you warm them up, and are never under “cooked”.
September 29th, 2007 at 3:17 pm
Ground beef is more dangerous than cut beef, because the bacteria is on the meat surface. With ground beef the surface of the little bits is then inside the burger, but on a steak the outside is always the outside and comes in contact with the heating surface. So burgers should only be eaten if they have no pink at all in the center (and certainly no red), whereas a medium steak will be less likely to give you trouble.
Also some people/places mix an egg with the ground beef, usually when also mixing in breadcrumbs, to make the whole thing stick together well. It stretches the beef and makes it taste better too. You definitely want that egg cooked beyond runny.
A burger that is mushy in the middle isn’t done, its dangerous.
Now I expect almost everyone knows all that, because I know sooooo little about cooking. So I also vote for the George Foreman solution. Or Wok-a-burger, whatever.
Still this whole theme of the unavailability of half decent western food is very discouraging; I doubt I could be happy on a 100% Thai diet. Are there any decent Italian restaurants in BKK? Ones that serve pasta in white sauces not just pizza or spaghetti in red sauce? I can’t cook anything that complicated myself.
Can you buy western-style frozen microwaveable dinners? meatloaf with macaroni and cheese maybe?
September 29th, 2007 at 10:44 pm
Mike’s.
Mike’s is an operation which began in Chiang Mai and is now spreading south to the Big Mango.
In Chiang Mai, there are no problems, EXCEPT with one franchisee on Nimmanhemin who made a lot of people ill with his cheese-steaks. It seems to me that Mike’s is basically a sound operation, which is likely to have start-up problems with new franchisees.
I understand the craving for farang food, but wanting microwave meatloaf with mac-and-cheese seems to be pushing it a bit. (1) You can buy Kraft Mac-and-Cheese in many places [Kraft Dinner, the Aussies call it.] (2) Meatloaf? You have to be kidding me. Put some pork loin in the oven for 50 minutes — cheaper and better.
Of course, there is always yummy Thai food. Up here in Chiang Mai, we can get kaeng phak kaat and other wonderful dishes.
Oh, and more about macaroni and cheese. How do you make it? I mean, cooking the pasta is really easy, but how do you get the sauce? I spent years wondering, and then finally figured it out: you make a basic White Sauce (flour, milk, and butter?) — and grate the cheese you like. When the sauce is nice and thick, pour in the grated cheese, stir, and pour it over your pasta. With the right cheese, it is a mile better than Kraft’s Dinner.
September 30th, 2007 at 12:13 am
@SameSame:
Everyone does like white sauce
If you want diy recipes, check out:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Carbonara
October 1st, 2007 at 10:38 pm
I know this will sound daft, but …..
when I want some westernised (?) food, I head for one of the Sizzler restaurants that are scattered all over … the one in CP Tower gets my regular business, together with those in Mahboonkrong and Siam Tower.
Lunch at Four Seasons is also recommended but not too regularly
)
Cheers.
October 2nd, 2007 at 6:20 pm
Mikes Burgers a complete let downw, Dick’s burgers fine to chew on and the view of the Bonny masseurs sharpens the appetite. Yummy on both counts.
December 4th, 2007 at 3:13 am
check out:
http://www.ricequeendiary.com/best-burgers-in-bangkok.html
If yoy still read these comments on this old blog topic…
I’m ready for my Elvis Burger Mr. De Mille