A message left by “Anonymous” today:
I am sorry, but I just have to make a comment here. I’ve been reading your website for a couple of weeks now, and I have enjoyed it immensely. I, also, am a gay farang in Thailand. But the world you live in with your young Isaan boy is very different from mine.
So my comment/question to you is… and I am trying to think of a nice way to say this but I’m having trouble… it sounds to me like your boyfriend is completely selfish and immature and a total pain to be around.
You are always doing nice things for him, but what do you get in return? Closed doors. Leaving home for days on end with no explanation. Refusal to talk about anything other than sex and food. Rolling over and going to sleep when you want a simple 10-second back scratch…
I’m sure he’s cute, but … what else is there that makes you keep him around? There are so many nice boys in Thailand that would show a little bit of appreciation, gratitude and respect to a quality guy like you. And no, I don’t consider one rose after being gone for 2 days as a sign of apology, gratitude, respect, or love.
I am very curious to hear your response, but please allow me to say again that I am still gladly reading your site daily. Thanks so much for sharing your life with the world. It makes for an interesting read, to be sure! Chok Dee…
Dear Mr. Anonymous
You are right, the last couple of weeks my bf has been a pain to be around.
I wrote similar emails to friends in Thailand while I still lived in Farangland, urging them to straighten up their Thai boys and asking them why they tolerated this nonsense.
Once I am in the situation myself it isn’t so clear anymore. Thai boys are basically children, and children are immature and selfish. Be they 20, 30 or 40 even, I am not sure if it makes a lot of difference. Farang Dee has had his bf for 10 years and although problems are smaller now he still complains that his 30yo boy is lazy and self-centred. Farang Dee has tried all the tricks in the book, but there is no easy fix.
I had some progress with Chalerm. He no longer locks the door. He greets me, wai’s me when he comes home.
We had a flare-up today. He wanted another back scrub. I suggested he give me back massage for a change, and he refused. I said I do a lot for you, and give you everything you need, what do you do for me? - Nothing, was his answer.
Last night, for example, I was sitting in a restaurant off Suriwong when Chalerm called me. Could I buy a cake for Lek’s birthday? I said he could buy one himself but he didn’t know where to find one. This was after midnight and he wanted to surprise his friend in the morning. Where does one find cakes in the middle of the night? Foodland in Patpong. So I went there and got one for him. I reminded Chalerm that this is the sort of favour people do their boyfriends, but it seems that I do them for him but he will not do them for me. This will have to change.
Well, I am raising a kid here. It isn’t easy. I have my doubts sometimes. But the grass is not greener on the other side. Most of my farang friends have had similar problems with their Thai boys. Some have had much worse problems. It goes up and down. Just a month ago I was praising him and I thought he was wonderful.
Having holiday boyfriends, or affairs with barboys, does not prepare for the reality of a long-term relationship living together. They can be on their best behaviour for a while but you have to watch them daily for months till you see the other side of them.
I spoke quite harshly to Chalerm about his selfish and cranky behaviour today and he didn’t respond. His face went pale and he left the room. It looked like he had cried when I saw him an hour later. I apologised for getting angry with him. Again no response. He knows what I have said is true so we will see what effect it has. His behaviour lately is unacceptable and I will send him packing if it doesn’t improve.