My bf is still upcountry. I tried to call him yesterday but he was in a bad mood. We had a problem with the phone line, he could hear me but I could barely hear him because of clipping and noise. I told him to speak slower and louder but he got tired of my repeated questions and hang up on me. Oh well… it must be six months since he last hang up on me. It used to be every week.
Chalerm’s behaviour has improved a lot compared to what it could be in the beginning. He is slowly growing up. This is our fourth year. The first year was adventurous and had ups and downs. The second year was difficult. He had his coming-of-age crisis, he moved to Bangkok, failed at university, the grandfather who had raised him fell ill and died, plus various other problems that occurred at the same time. The second year was when I doubted the wisdom of seeing him anymore. But I felt he still had feelings for me. He was like that 13-year old girl I have compared him to earlier, someone who is hurt and confused and bloody impossible to be around, but who still is sincere.
The third year was a lot better. His life settled down as he moved from campus and in with me. His mood swings stabilised and he became more mature. The fourth year is ever better again. He gives a lot of affection and he is sensible when we discuss things. Of course we have our bumps but nothing like it used to be. Chalerm seems to realise (possibly told by his friends) that his position in life is not bad at all. He is grateful for what I do for him. To a Thai boy there is no clear distinction between the material and the emotional side of a relationship. If I love him I should take care of his needs. He sees this as a two-way obligation. If he gets a well-paid job, he says optimistically, he can give me money because I am his husband.
Chalerm has bonded strongly with me and built his life around me. He is young and I am his first long-term boyfriend. He trusts me to always be there for him. He takes for granted that I will never hurt or betray him. This makes him open up and expose his heart. If he had his fingers burned in earlier relationships he might have held back more.
People wonder if a relationship with someone half my age can be real. Sure it can be real, but as the older party I must expect to be a mix of lover and father figure. This is the key. If I had expected only to be his boyfriend it would not work. It would not work with someone his own age either. Chalerm likes white men. Not Thai boys. I can tell from the naughty pictures he saves on the computer.
October 19th, 2005 at 12:31 am
It seems to me that there is a vast difference between the kind of man we “fantasize” about and the kind of man that makes us feel secure, loved, and appreciated. Our fantasies feed our imagination, but we need “real” people to truly satisfy us. There are times when the experience and wisdom of a “father/bigbrother-figure” are more important than “eye-candy”. In most successful relationships, both partners adapt different “roles” at different times depending upon what the situation calls for. When both partners are willing to support the other in the ways that are important, they both benefit. Thanks again for keeping us posted on the development and maturation of your life together with Chalerm.
October 19th, 2005 at 1:12 am
Thank you for your comment. I find that even if his looks were important to begin with I don’t “see” him the way I do anymore. I see his personality more than his exterior. I guess that is a good development.
I don’t think Chalerm is happy in the village this week. He is bored but he feels obliged to keep his grandmother company since she is alone.