A friend who had read the blog said today that what Chalerm had said on the phone to me was cold.
The words were cold for sure, but I don’t think Chalerm meant it. Chalerm has this habit of saying the opposite of what he feels. It is a kind of a tease, but also a typical Thai way of hiding his feelings. At first with Thai boys this reversed speak could make me confused. By now I have become used to it, but I never will like it. I much prefer to hear that he misses me than the opposite. The difference between real and fake negative speak lies in the tone of voice. The fake one is in a slightly higher tone and it is somewhat exaggerated with a hint of the theatrical.
Chalerm doesn’t normally say anything about his feelings. It is almost as if he thinks it brings bad luck. So yesterday on the phone he denied any longing or indeed any plans of coming back to Bangkok. Only later in the day did I get a text message saying ‘Missss you Kissss”.
He doesn’t normally speak about love either. But sometimes he can send me romantic messages by the mobile phone. He sends these messages even if he is in the house. He just can’t bring himself to say it out loud.
Chalerm is a romantic person. He wants to love. He wants it to be real and true. He wants to give himself completely. But based on Buddhism his friends will warn him not to get too attached to me. Don’t get too dependent on things or persons, said the Buddha, because nothing lasts. His friends also probably told Chalerm that the farang could not possibly be serious. Three and a half year later we are still together and I don’t think Chalerm is listening to that kind of advice anymore. Some of it is based on envy anyway - why should Chalerm be the one with the rich farang? His friends back in the village have dubious motives for what they say but Chalerm hasn’t always seen that.