This is a host from Japan, I am told. The Japanese put their rentals on the web so the public can think about it before visiting the club. Practical people, the Japanese.

This is a special edition of the Thai Boyfriend Selection Service with only one candidate - Mario Maurer.

I have kicked Chalerm out and live alone in The Mansion.

It started on Friday when Chalerm came back from the temple ceremonies for the murder victim, the woman in his village. He was tired and I didn’t say anything when he skipped work Saturday. He didn’t look well and said he was “sick little bit”.

Sunday Chalerm said he didn’t want go to go to work. Chalerm had enough money, he said, and didn’t need to work. He would rather stay home. But I asked him to go and he did so.

Monday Chalerm skipped work again. I asked him to go but he refused. I pondered what to do. I wondered if the murder saga had upset him and decided to take it soft.

Tuesday Chalerm spent the day at home again. I was getting annoyed. Wednesday was the same. Chalerm was in a good mood and didn’t seem to realise I was counting the minutes. We had a confrontation at night.

Chalerm didn’t offer any good reasons to quit his job. He had some minor gripes about what people had said and done in the office but I said he had to expect that, or worse, in any job. I reminded him how good this job was, paying 8-9000 B per month for a light workload. Chalerm got this job as a part time position while Farang D and I still were on speaking terms, with the understanding that Chalerm was welcome to work full time when he didn’t have school.

Chalerm spends most of the office day sleeping or using the Internet. The other people in the office are either women or gay boys. Sometimes there is a phone call and Chalerm must speak English, organise something or take notes, but then it is quiet again. His boss is generous and forgiving. Chalerm can come and go as he wants. In what other job can he call in the afternoon and say it got late at DJ Station, I am not coming in today?

Chalerm doesn’t have any classes now. In this phase of his education he is supposed to get work experience from the tourist industry. If he doesn’t do that, what will he do? Nothing, said Chalerm, he just didn’t feel like having a job now. It was boring.

I said this wasn’t how things work in real life. When you have a good job you keep it. It might be boring sometimes but you don’t quit until you found a better job. I said the money I gave him was so he could get an education. It wasn’t a lifelong stipend. I would take care of him but I expected him to do his part. If he made money he may not need as much money from me as earlier.

Chalerm is 24. He used to be a barefoot village boy and he should do something to secure his future. This job is not only comfy and easy and well paid by Thai standards, it is also relevant work experience for him. Would he rather work 12 hour shifts in the chicken factory in Anyburi for 4,000 B a month?

Chalerm had mentioned earlier how working was unnecessary since he had a rich foreign husband. I didn’t pay attention to it but now he wanted to live accordingly. I asked how long he planned to be idle? Chalerm didn’t say but I had the impression it was at least the rest of the year.

Chalerm asked if this was about the money? I said the money wasn’t the main thing.

I could have waited a week or two but I could see how this would end. I could not accept the situation and if I waited the confrontation would only get louder. So I said he could do whatever he wanted, but if this was his choice he could go and do nothing somewhere else.

Chalerm changed colours as we spoke. When I said his weekly allowance wasn’t meant to last forever he turned red. When I said he could leave he turned white. He looked like he was about to cry for a moment but then his stubborn defiance kicked in and he said ok, he would move out. I asked when and how? Chalerm said I would get to see that.

I went to bed but heard Chalerm shuffle around in the house. Then silence. He had left without saying goodbye.

This was last night. I haven’t heard from him since.

This is the fourth time I have kicked Chalerm out. It is several years since last shakedown. The reason is always unacceptable behaviour. In the previous episodes it has taken around three weeks before he comes back, offended and self-righteous and without a word of apology. Then we carry on like nothing happened.

Chalerm took his notebook computer and clothes. I am in charge of Nemo and two turtles.

Who is this Greek god? A California superstar? Turns out he is from Bristol. Mitch Hewer played a gay character in a UK television drama called “Skins”.

A reader asked me by email if, knowing what I know now, would have moved to Thailand again.

I said yes, I would have done it again.

I have lost some of my enthusiasm for Thailand, partly thanks to immigration problems, partly because Thailand is changing and isn’t as fun as it used to be, and partly due to the familiarity and fading which sets in after a while even in Bangkok.

These days I look forward to my trips out of Thailand. I live with one foot in Malaysia. But that doesn’t mean I would recommend a newbie to move to Malaysia instead. Thailand is beginner-friendly, with a large farang gay scene. It is easy to set up camp in Thailand.

Thailand is love at first sight. Malaysia is an acquired taste. You might choose differently when you have lived in Asia for some years.

I don’t regret moving to Thailand. Life here isn’t perfect but I was miserable in Farangland. I sat around with other aging queens, complaining about isolation and boredom and the weather and about how we could not get laid anymore.

Thailand has been an adventure. I am happier here than I was back home. There are many ups and downs but I guess it is called living.

I don’t regret taking in Chalerm from the park. It became more parenting than I had expected but the boy is a good girl and even if it didn’t turn out quite like I had expected (it never does) I would have done the same again.

You should be aware that it takes a certain mental strength to live in a faraway country with a radically different culture, away from your family, old friends and the welfare system.

You need to keep your brain healthy. You must avoid “the rot” which some ex-pats in Thailand talk about, which has to do with a lack of challenges and the shallowness of local life, which can lead to a stagnated personality. Too many ex-pats fall into alcoholism or passivity and depression after a while in Thailand.

You are a Westerner. You must think. Stillness of the mind is for Thais. You must keep moving forward and developing, or you are in trouble. Sitting all day staring at the wall, like Chalerm’s grandmother was happy to do, isn’t for us. So you need hobbies, interests, projects, things to do. Keep yourself busy. Sitting glued to a bar stool every day isn’t being busy.

Do learn as much as you can about Thai culture and history. It will help you understand the strange things that happen to you.

Don’t bring your money into Thailand. Keep it in Farangland.

Don’t buy a home. Rent.

Don’t trust Thai immigration or the stability of this country. Be prepared that your stay in Thailand can end suddenly, for whatever reason.

But digital is faster and more convenient, giving instant results. I reach for a digital camera instead of film which would take processing in a lab and then scanning. Digital won not because it is superior but because it is easy.

My film cameras were high-end stuff. I didn’t think I could sell them in Thailand. Better to send the gear to a place where collectors and film buffs would want it.

Chalerm was worried that the camera buyer in America would cheat me.
- What if him not send money? asked Chalerm.
- I know these guys, I said. - I visited their shop in New York. They are honest.

Honest types

This camera store is run by orthodox Jews. They wear black hats and have curly hair. If they say they are going to send money the money will come.

—

I went to FedEx on Silom road. At Silom Galleria I asked a female security guard for directions. I saw her eyes go large with fear as a foreigner rolled down the window of a taxi and spoke to her. She thought she had to speak English. But I asked her in Thai and she (to be on the safe side) replied in Thai to the taxi driver instead of to me.

At the Holiday Inn Hotel a discussion erupted between my taxi driver and a guard. They debated how they could get me to the fitness club.
- Not fitness, I said. - FedEx!
- Fitnet, said the driver.
- FedEx, I said.
- Fitnet, said the guard.

I paid the driver and left the taxi lest the driver forced me to visist the fitness centre. The guard tried to get me to go back inside the car. They were eager. Do fitness centres pay commission to these people?
- He can take you to the fitness, said the guard.
- Fed-Ek! I said.
- Oh, said the guard. - Fed-Ek is over there.

—

The FedEx office was in the basement of Silom Galleria, a shopping centre I had never been to before. I could see why I had missed it. But Indian tourists liked it and gold-dealing Africans seemed to enjoy themselves.

Federal

The FedEx office was messy and gloomy. I know I am not supposed to go to a FedEx office. I am supposed to have them pick up the box at my address.

But I had tried that online. The FedEx website said I had to register first. I registered. I answered the questions honestly. What was my company? I don’t have one. How many packets do I expect to send per month? On average, none. Please allow two business days for processing, the web site said. That was last week. I haven’t heard from them since.

The FedEx staff and I went through a series of oops.

Oops. Forgot to include insurance in the price.
Oops. Forgot to put the letter from the camera shop inside the box.
Oops. Forgot to bring cash.
Oops. Forgot the ATM pin code.
Oops. Is that US dollar instead of Thai baht?
Oops. The value is over 2,500 USD. Need extra insurance.
Oops. Have to charge your Master card again.

When we had solved the oops’es the packet was on its way to New York.

I have a tracking number. Half the fun of using FedEx is to track the shipment. Your packet is now in Reykjavik, Iceland, the website will say. Or in Quito, Ecuador. I hope they misdirect my shipment to some exotic locations so I get value for money. But I don’t want them to lose my box. The guys in New York are expecting it.

Shirtless Thai boy (2)

Shirtless Thai boy (3)

I bought this magazine, which is entirely about Mario Maurer. I will scan the best pics and post them here. The definition of “best” will be the shirtless ones, of course. I know you.

Chalerm went to his village yesterday. I hear he is back in Bangkok but I am in the Internet cafe now and haven’t spoke to him  yet. I tried to call him while he was up there but the mobile phones are not reliable in the village.

Now the mother of the ladyboy-in-training is saying over the loudspeaker that minors must leave the Internet cafe as the police will come and check after 10pm. Some teenagers are getting up from their seats and going out.

My uber-Mac is back. It took only a week to repair it, which is amazing speed for Bangkok. They gave it a new monitor. Or I hope it is new, it had some scratches on the surface. But the scratches don’t show when I turn it on so I haven’t complained. I get paranoid in Thailand, wondering if the repair guys are cheating by reusing parts while charging for new ones. It would be just like them. But in this case Apple is paying.

Steve Jobs came by dressed in jeans and a turtleneck sweater. Jobs shook my hand and apologised for the faulty iMac. He gave me a joystick as compensation for my troubles, a Logitech 3. That’s what he should have done. In reality I bought the joystick myself for 1,390 baht. I want to use it flying airplanes in the flight simulator.

I was flying in the Austrian Alps when Chalerm came in with another Thai boy. Chalerm was embarrassed that I played games like a child. I said this was a game for grown-ups.

Chalerm tried it briefly and crashed his private jet.
- Where can fight? asked Chalerm.
- There is no fighting, only flying, I said.
- Boring, said Chalerm.

Speaking of crashing, I tried to install Windows on the Mac. The purpose of this ill-conceived idea was to try Micro$oft Flight Sim, which is only for Windows. Till now I have used X-plane, which is for Mac. 

Surprise! The XP installation messed up my system, made the computer crash and left it for dead. I had to use a First Aid disk to recover it. This wasted two hours of my life. I wiped XP from the hard drive and promised not to do it again. I didn’t try to install Vista. I am not completely mad.

Pattaya Mail reports the fuss Thais made over the last day of telegram service in Thailand. After 133 years the telegram service has become obsolete, replaced by email and all that.

Thousands of Thais showed up on the final day to send commemorative telegrams.

The very last telegram sent from Pattaya was from “Noi” to a gentleman in Finland and the text was as follows:

BROTHER ME MOTORBIKE ACCIDENT I NO MONEY EAT