14. Peter and Mark 3
Peter was intensely happy. Mark was experienced and led Peter to more advanced forms of pleasures. Peter enjoyed it but began to have doubts. Was this as harmless as Mark said? Peter realised he was in dangerous territory.
Mark didn’t think Peter had anything to worry about.
- You take life too seriously, said Mark.
- What we do is wrong, said Peter. We have to stop.
- Why?
- We can’t do it anymore. It is forbidden.
- It is just play, said Mark.
- I can’t do this and face my Lord, said Peter.
- The Lord is more generous than you think. Nobody needs to know. Nobody is getting hurt. Do you think He only wants us to pray and read? We need a little fun sometimes. We need to relax. If you are this strict you will only be miserable.
Mark was right. Peter became miserable. He longed for his friend but he had knew there were strong, condemning words for what they had done. Peter could not pretend not to care about this. He refused to be intimate with Mark again.
Mark thought Peter was a fool to get so upset. But Mark shrugged it off. Within weeks Mark had a new best friend.
Peter was in pain. He saw Mark every day but could not touch him. Their friendship had cooled and they hardly spoke anymore. Peter’s confusion and suffering grew. He had to get out of this. Peter went to his rector and told him he wanted to quit. Peter didn’t want to give any reason for this decision. He merely said it was intolerable for him to remain and that he wasn’t worthy of priesthood anyway.
The rector didn’t want Peter to drop out after only a year. Peter was doing well in the seminary. Besides, the rector understood more than Peter knew. The rector had seen the close friendship between Peter and Mark. He had noticed the two suddenly were no longer seen together. The rector guessed what troubled Peter and offered to transfer him to another seminary. Perhaps, said the rector, a change of environment could help Peter get motivated for his studies again.
Relieved, Peter accepted the solution. This was how he came to spend years of his life in Adeleide.
It was better for Peter not having to see Mark anymore, but it still took him a long time to get over the affair. Peter understood that he had homosexual tendencies. This is a test of my strength, thought Peter. This is my weakness and temptation and I must resist it. And so he did.
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