61. Lunch with spouses
Peter’s friends dutifully showed up for lunch with their Thai boys. Larson came with Lek, the dark and handsome Isaan boy, who depending on who you listened to was a good boy, or a moneyboy, or maybe a good moneyboy. Robert Miller surprised everyone by not bringing Ae, his long time Isaan boyfriend, but another boy named Tui. Bjorn brought his Bangkokian boy with the bank job, khun Geng, who was half Chinese. Peter brought Bia, who quickly realised he was the youngest and prettiest person at the table. This suited Bia fine and he smiled his sweetest smile at everyone.
Peter was curious about who Robert’s new friend was but he thought it wasn’t proper to ask in front of the whole group. Robert saw Peter’s inquisitive look and mimed “I will tell you later”.
- Meeting adjourned, said Peter. But what do we talk about today? We can’t complain about our Thai boys since they are present.
- We can use the old rule of thumb, said Bjorn. We should gossip about whoever is absent.
- That would be Duff, said Robert.
Robert regretted mentioning Duff as soon as he said this. Maybe Duff still was a touchy subject for Peter and Bia.
- Despite the best efforts of SOMEONE (said Peter while giving Bia a nasty sideways look) young Duff is set to arrive in Bangkok soon. Gentlemen, we have another victim of Thailand addiction.
- The government should put up a sign at the airport, said Larson. “Warning: Thailand is habit-forming and you may not want to leave”.
- Duff is doing the right thing, said Peter. He is moving here while he is still young. Imagine the great time he will have.
- But Duff won’t have a great job, said Robert. I don’t understand why foreigners are so eager to move here. Some are so desperate that they even take jobs teaching English.
- Now THAT is desperation, said Peter.
- Sorry Peter, but at least you work at an upscale school and make decent money, said Robert. But many are just scraping by. They will do anything to stay here. The straights are worse than we are. They fall for some bargirl, spend everything they have to please her and end up on the dump.
- So much for us exploiting the locals, said Bjorn.
The Thai boys listened to the farangs speaking English but soon started to speak Thai among themselves. Two languages were in the air, sometimes three if Bjorn and Larson said something to each other in Swedish.
Larson and Bjorn began sniping across the table. Larson spoke to Peter and Robert as if Bjorn wasn’t there.
- Bjorn is having a nervous breakdown, said Larson. He thinks I am a walking disaster. Now he wants to give me a 24-hour bodyguard.
- I haven’t slept since Pelle came to Thailand, said Bjorn. Can you imagine babysitting this guy? His holiday consists of irresponsible sex, policemen, bribery, drunkenness, violence and hospitals. What is next? Will he be run over by an elephant? Will he be taken hostage by terrorists and appear on television pleading for his life? I would not be surprised!
- Bjorn represents the height of European gloom and pessimism, said Larson. 99 percent of the things he worries about never happen.
Bjorn folded his hands, looked up in the air and pretended to pray.
- Dear Lord, said Bjorn. Thank you for sending Pelle Larson back to Sweden next week. Amen!
- Ahem, said Larson. Did you say next week?
- I will personally put you on the SAS plane, said Bjorn.
- I don’t think so.
- What do you mean? asked Bjorn, confused.
- I changed my mind, said Larson. I like it here. I am not going back.
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