73. The 7th planet
Robert Miller invited Larson to lunch at the Landmark. It is good to be a farang, thought Larson as he smiled to the polite waiters and inspected the buffet.
- I have heard of many scams, said Robert. But not this one. I don’t know how it is done. It must be some trick with the numbers. Let my inner accountant think about it.
- Thai boys seem to get themselves in a lot of difficulties, said Larson. Bjorn says I am trouble on legs. What are they then?
- Portable disaster zones?
- Compared to them I am a model of stability and reason, said Larson and sighed.
Robert shifted uncomfortably in the chair and made a grimace.
- Sorry, said Robert. It is Tui. My part time lover.
- I remember him, said Larson. Is he good?
- He is too good, said Robert. I am sore.
- Ouch, said Larson.
- It is a sensitive area, said Robert.
Robert glanced at the other guests in the restaurant to see if anyone were listening to them.
- There are a lot of nerve endings around there, said Larson.
- I know a guy who was born without, said Robert.
- Pardon? Born without what?
- You know.
- Eh… there are many things you can be born without. Even around there.
- Don’t make me say it out loud, said Robert. We are in polite society here. You know. Seventh planet from the sun.
- Seventh? That would be Neptune?
- No. The other one.
- Saturn?
- Please. There is only one planet with an interesting name.
- Oh I see, said Larson. And you know this guy who was born without one? That must be inconvenient.
- To say the least, said Robert. He was in school with me in Kentucky. He was born normal in every way. He had ten fingers, ten toes, and one head. Everything was in place. Except that.
- Apart from limiting your options in bed, said Larson, isn’t not having one a practical problem?
- It sure is, said Robert. When the boy was born and the doctors saw something was missing they had him flown by helicopter to a team of specialists in Chicago. You could say it was a pressing matter. The doctors made one for him.
- They made one? How is that possible? asked Larson.
- He had everything, said Robert. It just wasn’t connected.
- I understand, said Larson. It must have been urgent indeed. Speaking of which… I was actually born with two.
- Two?
- Yes.
- How could you have two?
- One worked and one was fake.
- Fake?
- Fake. It wasn’t hooked up. It didn’t go anywhere. No plumbing.
- I guess that is better than none, said Robert.
- They removed it when I was a kid, said Larson. Number two was right above the real thing. It got infected and the surgeons removed it. I haven’t missed it.
- Numbers, said Robert. I think I know how that scam was done.
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