Gay Boy Thailand

From a reader:

Here’s my two bob’s worth on the “training” of a Thai bf …

I think periodic separation can be important. As hard as a long-distance relationship like mine can be, it does give one the option of not talking to him at all. I’ve spoken to a number of frustrated farang expats who think in hindsight that they would have been better off just visiting their bf several times a year, leaving him to get on with education or productive employment the rest of the time.

Moodiness, getting angry about trivial things … you name it, we’ve been through it with my bf.

First step was to get him to recognize his dysfunctional behaviour. Once he admitted to it, he could work on resolving it. Whenever he relapsed, instead of it being an argument about a single issue, it was always linked by me to the bigger pattern.

Along the way, when things got bad I have managed to convince him that breaking up was a serious possibility if things didn’t change. Inevitably this was initially met with ‘up to you’ ! Finally I made him concede that it had little to do with me, and was in fact ‘up to him’. I also managed to get him to admit that our relationship did actually matter to him.

One characteristic that I think gay Thai boys are often seriously lacking is empathy. They can kick up a hissy fit at the smallest perceived injustice to them, but struggle to comprehend the effect of their behaviour on others. I tend not to get angry with him, as a father would, but instead show just how much he has hurt my feelings at times. He seems to respond much better to that than anger.

Moodiness is still a problem. But he also recognizes that. When he’s moody, I just refuse to have anything to do with him. Again, I don’t get angry. “OK, I can tell you’re moody today. I’ll speak to you when you’re feeling better. Good-bye”. He can turn it on or off when it suits him, so so can I. He’s getting better. Now he apologizes when he’s been moody.

Re crying … one day when he was in a ’show-off’ mood, my bf made the mistake of showing me how easily be could turn on the waterworks at will. He sat on the end of the bed, got into the mood, and before long the tears were streaming down his cheeks.

I’ve wondered where all this comes from. Are Thai gay boys just the world’s greatest drama queens, or are all young Thais males like this ? Reports elsewhere suggest that Thai women often behave like little girls. Do gay boys just emulate what they think is normal gay / feminine behaviour ?

Soap operas seem to reinforce many of these behaviours. All of these shows seems to have at least one female bitch character who behaves like the worst spoilt child you’ve ever seen. Screaming queens complete the dyfunctional role models for young Thai gay boys. Why people chose to emulate these behaviours is perplexing, but Thais do seem to like to mimic, and there are few better gay role models.

My next planned strategy is to push the ‘cross-cultural’ aspect of our relationship. If he wants to be part of such a relationship, then that will mean some things will be done in a Thai way and others in a Western way. Fortunately he concedes that some aspects of Thai society are dysfunctional. Just as I have learnt about his culture, he needs to learn about mine.

BTW, it’s taken us 5 years to get to this point, and the above trials and tribulations have been a relatively small part of that. And the rest has more than made up for them.

H.