Anonymous said…
Purely anecdotal (and I have yet to ‘live’ long term with him, so I concede that Silom has more experience with this aspect): My guy is NOT college educated. He would have, I suppose, essentialy the Thai equivalent of N. American high school graduation.
He is a farmer/driver/small businessman from a farm family and community. He still lives there to this day.
In fact he has not an iota of immaturity (well, possibly ‘driving’ his vehicle, but even then he’s open to being “talked down” and takes it easy when it’s metioned).
In fact I would be quite honest in saying he has ~ over the last 6 years ~ pointed out many the immature habits which I have, and which I have often been embarrassed to have identified.
He has a surfeit of intuitive understanding of Thai ‘nature’ … and that often carries over to the universal as well, much to the bewilderment of the general comprehension of Thai character exhibited on “some message boards”.
Intuitive and gentle intelligence is much misunderstood, but I’ll take his for what it is … not particularly worldly (but by no means ignorant of Other Places), but not at all pompous or Westcentric either.
For me, his comfortable intelligence makes me more content than any hifalutin verbal one-ups-manship.
As far as “relationship” discussions go, he’s come to enjoy the inner game of tenderness expression, and does not shy away from it. Nor am I the only one who thinks it matters.
By the way … 2 things which may be of importance here: (1) he is 37 years old, and (2) he has never been “in the business”.
Cheers …
Dave [Smiles]
Anonymous said…
On re-reading, my post below sounds slightly gushing. It’s not meant to be: perhaps a list of his “faults” will be next, to balance things off.
But I don’t have any …
That makes two of us. I don’t have any faults either. Chalerm’s 37th birthday is only 15 years away. Meanwhile I have to live with my punishment for liking them young and fem (adds to drama tendencies?)
Re “the business”. They get spoilt in the trade and a farang who wants to make a boyfriend out of a barboy must convince the boy that the sort of spending a 2-week tourist can do isn’t possible in an everyday relationship. The bar/moneyboys also pick up manipulative tricks in “the business” (buffalo dead, brother motorbike accident). This is not a good habit.
xxx
November 24th, 2005 at 4:14 pm
Wheee… this is fun!
Seems like there are a lot of factors involved in determining “maturity level”. Perhaps we can give the following test to our Thai boys and see how they rank. One point for every YES answer below:
* I am over 25 years old
* I have an undergrad degree or am working on one (from a real university i.e., Chula or Thammasat, not Ramkamhaeng)
* I have a graduate degree or am working on one
* My parents have stable jobs
* I know my father and he is not a raging drunk
* I come from a Chinese family
* I have lived outside of Thailand and Laos (other than in a supported set-up)
* I enjoy reading
* I have never worked in a spa, sauna, bar, or disco
* I have never been a freelance money boy
Are there others? I don’t think I have ever met a Thai boy who can say YES to all, but I have a lot of friends in Bangkok who will only miss one or two…
November 24th, 2005 at 5:15 pm
Early in this discussion I put forward some ideas about stereotypical dysfunctional behaviours amongst gay Thai boys, partly in response to one of Silom’s other correspondents who had suggested that Silom put up with too much from Chalerm. I think we have demonstrated that these behaviours are not uncommon amongst gay Thai boys, and perhaps young Thais in general.
I do think there are different forms of maturity. Many poor Isaan young boys and girls are essentially supporting their families from a young age. They do this as best they can, with an admirable “practical maturity” and responsibility that Western youths - of similar age but better education - would struggle to match. But the Thais are often emotionally immature.
I think anonymous #1 in this thread has made some good points. Unfortunately, other than age, few of these are going to change for most boys if they haven’t got these attributes when you meet them. I have given my bf a degree but yes, it is from Ram ! … I agree that one would not call this a “real” degree in the Western sense (even Chula ranked only 121 in the world in the recent TES ratings of world universities). However it has given him a definate “leg up” in the job market.
Like Chalerm, he “at least knows the real world and the value of work”. Money he’s less strong on. I have managed to keep this under control, despite his fervent wish for a BMW, a house for his mother, and a 5 megapixel digital camera.
Perhaps we could move towards discussing strategies that have helped our bfs become more emotionally mature BEFORE their 35th birthdays.
Mr H.