Anonymous 1 said…
hmmmmm…
multiple mobile phones…
nightlife on Silom…
ungrateful and thoughtless…
ladyboy…
heavy use of internet…
sexy photos of self…
where does he get the money…
2+2=4?
Silom Farang said…
Don’t get too excited. The yellow phone he bought was 500 baht and it isn’t even a real mobile, it is a PCT.
Anonymous 2 said…
You have not considered all aspects of the first letter to you, referring only to the mobile phone. It seems to me his attitude as shown around valentine’s day is a clear indication as to his lack of true feeling. All these signs put together really do not look good to an outside reader. Perhaps you are too close to see what is going on, a common occurrence in farang/thai couplings. Real Thais DO NOT act like this.
Anonymous 3 said…
Unfortunately many young, gay, Thai boys act exactly like this, whether “real” or money boy. Indeed Thais as a nation have been characterised as acting in thoughtless, childish ways well into adulthood. This is not only reported by middle-aged gay farang. Ask 18 year old backpackers who have come into contact with their Thai age contemporaries. They often liken them to 12 year olds back home.
However you don’t have to put up with it. The key for me with my bf was conveying that these type of behaviours hurt me. Don’t get angry - then you become the source of the problem, not him.
You need to make an analogy between the hurt you are feeling and some instance where you know he felt hurt - “you remember how you felt when (insert event here) … well that’s how you made me feel”.
Young Thais sense of empathy is often not well enough developed to deal with this on a theoretical level - hence the lack of effect of the theoretical notion that you could have chosen not to buy Chalerm a V-day present. He has no experience of this.
It’s all part of his emotional training.
Unfortunately many young, gay, Thai boys act exactly like this, whether “real” or money boy. Indeed Thais as a nation have been characterised as acting in thoughtless, childish ways well into adulthood. This is not only reported by middle-aged gay farang. Ask 18 year old backpackers who have come into contact with their Thai age contemporaries. They often liken them to 12 year olds back home.
However you don’t have to put up with it. The key for me with my bf was conveying that these type of behaviours hurt me. Don’t get angry - then you become the source of the problem, not him.
You need to make an analogy between the hurt you are feeling and some instance where you know he felt hurt - “you remember how you felt when (insert event here) … well that’s how you made me feel”.
Young Thais sense of empathy is often not well enough developed to deal with this on a theoretical level - hence the lack of effect of the theoretical notion that you could have chosen not to buy Chalerm a V-day present. He has no experience of this.
It’s all part of his emotional training.
Silom Farang wrote:
Well put. I have done something along the lines of what you suggest. I spoke to him about it yesterday, and made it clear that this was hurtful behaviour. He tried to play it down but he did listen. Today he made up for it by giving me a card with his picture on it. It had red roses too. He had gone to one of those instant studios in a shopping mall.
It is true his empathy isn’t fully developed yet. He can still see me as a cardboard figure, similar to how a child sees others, not understanding how what he says and does affect me. But Chalerm doesn’t want to hurt me, he wants to be good and I can appeal to that.
Chalerm is is honest and reliable. Our difficulties and fights take place within the limits of a sincere relationship. He is certainly not a part time moneyboy behind my back, as a reader hinted yesterday.
Despite the problems it is nice to be loved by someone. More people should try that. 
xxx
February 17th, 2006 at 9:28 pm
The thing is, Valentine’s Day is not Thai’s tradition. Despite how popular it seems here among Thais it is perhaps not the same practice as in the West.
Communication is really the key…
February 17th, 2006 at 10:01 pm
Having lived here for nearly 10 years, I am always struck by the amount of time and effort many Thais put into Valentine’s Day; they really are a very romantic-minded people. I see people proudly presenting their beloved and their friends with a special something, and then how they walk around happily together, often hand in hand. The description you gave of Chalerm making no effort to please you on the day, indeed even insulting you for the present you kindly offered him, goes against this behaviour, and to me is a sign your affection for him is too one way. No doubt you do not wish to read this, quite understandably, but truthfully that is the impression your writing leaves with me. I wish you well, but aslo wish you could see your relationship with this person in a more detached light.
February 18th, 2006 at 3:53 am
I have been following this blog for a good while. I think it is a mistake to use one event as a sure-fire indicator that the relationship is “too one way”. Those of us who read this blog only get glimpses of what the reality of your life together is. Sometimes those glimpses match our expectations, sometimes not, but always they are a reflection of a real, breathing, growing, developing, changing, adjusting relationship that is based upon what appears to any reasonable person to be genuine affection. If there were no attempt to understand your point of view, no attempt to “make it right” then, perhaps, one could draw the conclusion that a more “detached” approach would be either indicated or desirable. Having shown Chalerm how his behavior felt for you caused him to make an attempt to rectify it speaks very well of the young man. As always, thanks again for sharing your experiences with us and I continue to wish you the very best.
Jason
February 18th, 2006 at 5:58 am
I think it’s easy to look at the apparent Thai approach to Valentines through rose coloured glasses.
It may look sweet, it may look romantic, but supposedly the main phenomenon associated with V-Day in Thailand is huge numbers of 15 year old boys pressuring their younger girlfriends to surrender their virginity on that day.