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I missed Chalerm. I took out the pictures I had taken of him in the park and the first time we went to Anyburi by bus. The pictures made me miss him even more. He looked so sincere in those pictures. He was not a sophisticated city type, he was a country boy and it showed in his dress and his unpretentious manners.
I missed his soft skin. Chalerm smelled good. Thai boys don’t smell much, but what little odour they have is pleasant. I even missed his cheeky tricks. He liked to blow air in my ear. I could not remain still in bed when he did that. He liked to tickle me too. But that didn’t work anymore. I was too used to him. Try tickling yourself. You can’t. That’s because you are relaxed. I was so relaxed with Chalerm now that he couldn’t tickle me either.
He was a real Thai boy and genuine. Such boys are not easy to find. How did I find him? Wrong question - he found me. I had only lived in Thailand for six days when I met him. Was that random or fate? I had to wonder.
You sentimental fool, I told myself. He is just a boy. What makes you think he is ready for a long-term relationship? You are ready, but you are middle aged. What if it was just a fling, a way for him to have an exciting time with a foreigner for a few months while he was in Bangkok? You can’t expect a youngster like him to be stable, even in the unlikely case that he is interested in someone your age.
I called Chalerm every day on his mobile. But either it was turned off or nobody answered. After a week of this I thought I had to be tactical. As long as he saw I rang every day he could be confident I was waiting for him. Hard as it was to resist, it was better not to call. That would make him think.
After two weeks of not hearing from him I was beginning to think he would not be back. A friend urged me to seek other entertainment.
- You should go out and be decadent, said my friend. - Get some boy from Dj Station. Bonk him. Live a little!
- A boy off the street isn’t the same as Chalerm. I am still attuned to him. Besides, it would feel like cheating. Chalerm is too nice. I can’t cheat on him.
- Nice? He is putting you through hell for no reason.
- I know. But it would still hurt Chalerm terribly if I fooled around with someone else. I can’t do that to him.
- Sure you can.
- He is immature. He doesn’t see the consequences of what he is doing. I have to be the responsible adult even if he doesn’t deserve it.
- How long will you sit in your monastery and wait for him?
- I guess I have to give up after a while. If I haven’t heard from him in three weeks I will consider myself a free man.
One should think that Chalerm had overheard this conversation. After two weeks and six days of silence he rang my doorbell. He said nothing but walked sternly past me. He went to the bedroom and collected his things. Then he walked out, still without a word, and slammed the door behind him.
If that’s how he wants it, I thought and locked the door in a loud way and put the chain on. I made sure Chalerm could hear it from the corridor.
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