Gay Boy Thailand

I have been struggling find something to write in response to the reader who asked for strategies for dealing with Thai boys when they become difficult.

At least it helps to be prepared for it. Many Thai boys will have periods of bad behaviour. The unsuspecting farang, thinking he has found his dream boy in paradise, can be thrown into confusion and despair when the little prince suddenly misbehaves. But there is no need to panic, or to believe that this must be a special case.

Some of my friends talk about a zero-tolerance strategy but I don’t think they actually see that through. I accept that Chalerm is young and that Thai culture and so-so education has kept him immature compared to a Western boy the same age. Besides, any of us can have a bad day. So I don’t want to strike down hard on a little sulking. If he is tired, for example, I say he should go to sleep and I can talk to him the next day when he is in a better mood.

One principle borrowed from child rearing is clear and consistent boundaries. You must make up your mind where you draw the line and defend that line. In my case, he has never done anything bad, it is just his mouth or his mood. But a friend of mine drew the line when his Thai boy started trashing the furniture. I drew the line when Chalerm called me names – it was unacceptable and I told him so. He has not done that since.

One school of thought holds that Thai boys must be kicked out now and then to remind them to behave. I have sent mine packing four times in nearly four years. Apart from talking to him it is the only sanction I have. I have never threatened to cut off his money, or threatened to break up. But it is of course implied that if I send him home to granny his position is in danger.

I told him when I sent him to university that I would see him through it even if our relationship ended before he graduated. This gives him a sense of stability, I hope. I felt this was the fair way of doing it. It need not be his fault if we broke up and once I have started it I want to finish it. I can’t play with his life and drop him halfway through if I tire of him. This is his great chance to escape village poverty and if he will study I will pay the bill.

What else? Patience. They improve with time. At least Chalerm does. I am not sure if my X-bf has improved significantly over the years. With Chalerm the trust and knowledge of each other helps. In the beginning he wasn’t sure if I was serious about him, or if I knew what I was doing. To him I appeared to be strange foreigner. If I didn’t even know how to buy a bus ticket in Bangkok, could I know much about anything else? He has more faith in my judgement now.

Communication helps too. I speak a bit Thai and his English has improved a lot since I met him. We can now speak properly and explain our points of view. It helps that he has learned about farang culture and how we are. It helps that I have lived in Thailand for a while and that he isn’t my first Thai boyfriend. It also helps that before I moved here, I read as much about Thailand as I could and took part in Internet forums about the country. If you don’t have a basic understanding of Thai culture and how Thai boys think and behave you will be in for a lot of surprises and misunderstandings.