Gay Boy Thailand

South East Asia

Here is an update about the boys in Malaysia: Read the rest of this entry »

Kancil

Malaysia. I was walking on the street minding my own business when a young man in this late 20ies rolled down the window of the parked car he was sitting in. He was short and round and his face was round too.
- Hello where you go? asked the boy.
- To my hotel, I said.
- Need a friend?
- No thanks.

The boy sat in a Malaysian doghouse-on-wheels kind of car called the Kancil. I have never been inside one. I don’t think I could fit. The engine is only 0,66 litres so it would not go anywhere if I was in it.

I walked on. The doghouse came around the corner and stopped by my side. The boy inside sucked his finger and gave me a suggestive look.
- Need a friend? asked the boy.
- No, I said.
I kept walking.
The boy put his little car in reverse and came after me on the street. His window was still open and I said:
- You can stop now.
- Need a friend? asked the boy.
But then he did stop. As he drove away I noticed a home made sign he had put in the rear window. It said “For Sale”.

Wild life

Want to hear how the boys in Malaysia are doing? I met many of the same ones on this trip. Read the rest of this entry »

The Village People

This is a report from last weekend. I spent Saturday night in the grip of Malaysian gay nightlife. My dazzling looks and charming personality made the boys chase me and I had to beat them off with sticks. This happens in every country I go to.

It started when I sat on a bench in a shopping centre. A young man in his late 20s came and sat down next to me. My gaydar said beep. The young man said hello.

Read the rest of this entry »

Fishy

I met my old friend the fishmonger on the street one evening. What a small world. It turned out he lived across the street from my hotel.

Read the rest of this entry »

There is a small park near my hotel. It isn’t really a park, but more like a grove or a handfull of trees. But it is enough for some boys to gather there in the evening, hoping for business.

Read the rest of this entry »

Dark colour represents more people

This is a population density map of South-East Asia. There are some five hundred million people here, in eleven countries. With this broad selection, why did I choose Malaysia as my visa escape destination?

Read the rest of this entry »

Where everyone knows your name

I met two young men on the street in Kota Kinabalu. They were both 20 and a combination of moneyboys, beggars and homeless guys. They knew my name.
Read the rest of this entry »

On Borneo again

Another visa run. In the evening I went to the same spot by the harbour where I have been on previous visits to Kota Kinabalu, the place with benches and a sea view. There are always people in this area.
Read the rest of this entry »

A Kota Kinabalu floating village seen from the air (Google Earth)

I never met Azir. He did not respond to my text message and I figured he was busy. What a loss for him, it is not every day a major rice queen from Bangkok is in town.
Read the rest of this entry »

Kota Kinabalu dress shop for Muslim girls

I was in the night market in Kota Kinabalu watching a magician performing tricks in front of an all-male audience. The men had formed a circle around him. Why were there no women?
Read the rest of this entry »

In Chulia Street, the backpacker and restaurant area in Penang, I normally avoid the samlor drivers and their persistent offers. But a reader of this blog had told me that if I spoke to them maybe I could get info about the local gay life.

So I spoke to one of them. This was not one of the geriatric ones, but a middle aged Malay Muslim man who spoke good English. He started with unsolicited offers of massage and girls, and after a warm up of this I said:
- Any boys here?
- Oh sure, said the driver without missing a beat. – I find nice boy for you. No problem. We go look.
- How much for the trip?
- 30 ringit for one hour. (= 300 baht)

Off we went. It was close to midnight but because of the Chinese New Year holidays many people were still out in the streets, eating and drinking and chatting. The evening was mild, 22 C perhaps, and the air clear without the pollution that chokes Bangkok.
- I am heavy, I said. I felt sorry for the man who had to pedal me around.
- No problem, said the driver. – Sometimes I take two people.
- I am two people, I said.
- Yes, said the driver.
- Where are we going?
- I take you to beach. Have boys there who walking. Walking back and forth. Looking. Can find lovely boy for you. No problem.

I count as two Asians

The bicycle taxi went down to the old British fort and what I had read on Utopia was a cruisey area around a park. There were few people. 3-4 young men sat around a table near a parking lot. We arrived at the beach promenade and the driver said:
- You like him?
- Who?
- This one.
The gentleman on offer was a 30something who was helping someone to park a car outside a restaurant. He looked straight, unhealthy and rough. I would not be surprised to see him in a prison cell.
- Never mind, I said.
- No?
- I don’t think so.
- OK. I find nice boy for you. No problem. We go back to the park.

Back in the parking lot a chubby Chinese guy around 30 had parked his car and was crossing the road. The samlor driver rang his bell. The Chinese man didn’t seem to understand what the issue was and kept walking. The samlor driver went after him.
- Never mind, I said, worried that Mr. Chubby was just someone who was passing by.
- You not like him?
- Never mind, I said again.
- Ok, said the driver. – Not worry. You are here for holiday. I will make you happy. You are my customer. I will find someone you can have a good time with.
- That’s nice, I said.
The samlor driver pedalled back to the restaurant. He shouted something to another Malay man who was standing outside. A loud discussion in Malay followed. I was embarrassed. It was my sexual preferences they were shouting about across the road. So much for Islamic sensitivities.

The samlor made another turn on the road. The Malay man from the restaurant went inside and came out again with a skinny late 20ies Chinese guy who wore a white shirt. I apologise for the crude nickname I have for him, but the moment I saw him the name “Mr. Ratface” stuck in my mind.
- Him in white shirt, said the samlor driver. – You like him?
- Keep going, I said. I didn’t want to stop and have to talk to Mr. Ratface.
- He is 20 years old, said the driver.
- Really? He looks older.
- Yes. He works hard so he looks older.
It is more likely Ratface is on hard drugs, I thought to myself.
- You want him? asked the driver. – He is experienced.
- No thank you, I said.
This ended the beach promenade section. We went back to town.
- This pub is good, said the driver.
- Is it?
- Yes. Have boys there. Easy to get.

The place looked like nothing special, some tourists sat outside on the pavement and some locals sat inside an Irish-style pub, but I made a mental note to go back some time.
- These boys you talk about, are they Malay? I asked.
- Most of them are Chinese.
- They like the money?
- Yes. 30-40 ringit. They will come to you. No problem.
The driver went by Komtar, the shopping centre. There was nothing to see there either.
- Can you take me back now? I asked.
- OK, said the driver and we went downhill to Chulia Street.
- You want to eat or drink? asked the driver, hoping for a restaurant kickback.
- Never mind. I will go back to the hotel to sleep.
- Next time I find boy for you, ok? said the driver.

I was out of Malaysian ringit. The driver said I could give him Thai baht instead but he gave me 7 baht to the ringit. At the airport it was closer to 10. I felt somewhat ripped off, both for the exchange rate and the lack of the promised gay life. The three boys he had showed me were all straight and none of them would have survived in a Thai flesh market, not even in the darkest soi. But I didn’t regret the samlor trip. Now I had seen Penang by night.

In the New Strait Times today an article says the country is expecting a ruling from the National Fatwa Council. In breathless suspense Malaysians have to wait until March to find out if Botox, the injection used to remove wrinkles from people’s faces, is allowed under Islamic law or not.

1. I am in Malaysia but my mind is still in Bangkok. I woke up this morning and realised I had forgotten to buy plastic boxes for the fridge at home. Chalerm has some nasty smelling food. I put a bottle of eyedrops in there. When I needed it again the bottle smelled of the food. Then my fingers smelled from handling the bottle. This stink is like a living entity. Chalerm and the Queen of SSK test-smelled my fingers and agreed “menn!” (bad smell).

2. I saw a suprising number of ladyboys in Penang yesterday evening. Three of them spoke English to the food vendors and Thai among themselves. Hookers here are fond of the phrases “hello daaling” and “psst” when I walk past them on the street. Psst? Since when do people say psst for real? I thought that was cartoon language.

3. I notice the difference between the religions here. Most of the Muslim women have their head covered. They are Malay. The Buddhist Chinese girls, on the other hand, walk around in mini-minis that are skimpier than anything I see in Bangkok. It is as if the Chinese are saying “we are not Muslim so we don’t give a damn”.

4. I have confessed to Farang Dee that I may be over my head with this web design thing. I asked him if I could consult with or hire a programmer. - Do whatever it takes, said Farang Dee. Then he began talking about a booking database for realtime reservations on the net, and about secure credit card payment. OK, if he has the money I can make it happen. I will speak to my pal in Farangland, Mac the computer guru, about how to proceed.

5. I suffer from consumer angst. Canon, Pentax, Minolta, Nikon, Sony… the market for digital cameras is confusing. Brands go bust. Now Sony will start to make cameras which can take Minolta lenses. Maybe I should wait for that.

6. I had a taxi driver yesterday who gave off different vibes from the others. He had a black beard. He drove with gloves on his hands in 30 C heat. He had a gold watch on the steering wheel. When he turned the watch was upside down. He gave me penetrating stares in the mirror, several times. I felt uneasy. There was something territorial and dominating about this guy. This was unusual for an Indian, I thought. But then I saw his nose and wondered if maybe he wasn’t Indian. His mobile phone rang and he said “The VCD? Push the purple button”. When I arrived at my hotel he said “Sorry about that phone call”. “Never mind”, I said, thinking this was the first time any taxi driver in Asia had apologised for answering the phone. His name plate revealed that he was an Arab.

I went into a camera shop here in Penang with my 1973 Canonet around my neck. The Chinese owner looked at me as if I was complete idot to use such a museum piece. He showed me a Nikon while saying as if to a child “This is a DIGITAL camera”. I was supposed to say “DIGITAL? Oh wow!”

The Canonet is a perfect travel camera. It is small and not worth much. If someone wants to steal it I can get another one for 30 $ on ebay.

Thanksin wants Thailand to be the shopping hub of Asia, if not the world, but the cameras are more expensive in Bangkok than here. After haggling I can save around 20%.

I am on another visa run. I had to get up at an ungodly hour. Chalerm was sleeping and I didn’t wake him.

Downstairs the security guard was having his morning bath. He was dressed in a towel and used water from a bucket. I haven’t seen him like this before. He has a nice bod for a 40something.

Penang: I am writing this from the 2nd Internet cafe I have been to today. The first was full. That is, the lady behind the counter told me to sit down at a computer where nobody sat but a game was on the screen and a school bag was left on the floor. I hesitated, but the lady motioned for me to sit.
A schoolboy sitting next to me said: Hae? as I took his friend’s chair.
Another schoolboy, whose game it was, came and also said: Hae?
The lady turned off the game and Internet Explorer came up.
- No no, I am not taking his computer, I said, feeling ill at ease about how the kid was bumped off.
Then I left and went to another Internet cafe. This one was also full of kids but I didn’t have to expell anyone to check my email.

I should bring a gift to Chalerm when I return to Bangkok. I saw the airline had a stuffed toy airplane with logo. Chalerm is NOT too old for stuffed toys. He will love it.

Meanwhile I am enjoying the Islamic Republic of Malaysia. I expect that tonight the waitress of a restaurant I usually go to will have forgotten I was here before, and chat me up. She will linger until I make it clear I don’t want her services after closing hour. I also expect the Indian hookers to loudly offer their services from dark corners.

Is there no wholesome moneyboy business here? It isn’t visible, but I suspect that things go on out of view. I wonder what would happen if I told one of these pesky over the hill ladies what my taste is.

1. Anonymous said…
A notorious gay Thailand board webmaster coined the phrase in relation to farang-Thai relationships “He who has the gold makes the rules”.

I’d sooner cut off my right testicle than adopt such an unethical mantra as the guiding principle of my relationship. However I admit that, like you, a little ‘contribution’ from time to time is nice. And while it’s not specifically ‘required’, if it is not forthcoming then there will be reminders.

Silom wrote:
“I also said since he wants to be my wife the laundry is a perfect place to start. (Luckily Chalerm hasn’t heard of feminist liberation yet).”

My bf has a good friend who is a pre-op ladyboy, and actually more at the femme-boy end of the spectrum than the female end. The ladyboy’s Thai bf is about the same age (mid 20’s), macho, classically handsome, and straight acting. The two of them might as well be 1950’s husband and wife. While they both have jobs, “she” does everything for him and seems quite happy doing so, as if it is her “role”. He doesn’t lift a finger.

+++

2. Another Anonymous said…
Has it occurred to you that you are allowing yourself to be used in a way you would not tolerate in your home country, and that in doing so you are not helping Chalerm either, teaching him that he can be moody and lazy and still get away with anything he likes? Is this really a good preparation for life? This is your relationship, so you must be happy with things as they are or you would not continue in what seems to outsiders to be a very one sided affair.

+++

3. Silom Farang said…
No, that hasn’t occured to me. This is not like a relationship in the West. But it has occured to me that I have adopted a semi-orphan and that I am his father. With the age difference and the immature nature of Thai boys this is how it is. If you want a Thai boy under 35 you must be prepared to do some parenting, with the boyfriend playing at times the role of the difficult teenage kid. Parenting is more about giving (in the material sense) than about getting anything back. The reward is love and affection if the Thai boyfriend is sincere. It is up to you if you are capable or willing to play such a father role. If you are not, and you want a mature partner who can be your equal, you can always get a boyfriend of your own age back home.

+++

4. Yet another Anonymous wrote:
I think you are dodging the issue that Anonymous#2 raises with your welfare in mind. Though I agree with you that many young Thais are not so mature, I think it is a pretty bald generalisation to claim that dating all of them requires extensive parenting. Furthermore, real parenting is not simply about giving but also about discipline, tough love, and instilling a sense of responsibility. Improperly done, the child will be spoiled. When properly done, this creates conflict and rebellion which may be incompatible with a romantic mode of relationship. You may find that you are being a good parent to the exclusion of the possibility of a successful relationship. It is notable at least to me that you frequently complain of Chalerm’s lack of attention to you, lack of affection for you, and lack of _expression of gratitude. I would guess this is a result either of you being too strict or not strict enough- from elements in your blog, I think it is most likely the latter. I wish you well, and apparently I am not the only reader who notices this, so I hope you will take this message in the right spirit.

+++

5. Silom Farang said…
I feel I am talking across a gap of culture and experience here. I wonder if any of you have tried to live in Thailand with a Thai boy? What you write sounds like the advice I used to give my farang friends in Thailand by email when they complained about their Thai boys. I used to wonder what strange spell those farang were under, since they seemingly accepted way too much misbehavour from their Thai boyfriends. And this is despite my Chalerm being a milder personality that what some of my friends have been involved with. You should hear some of their stories…

There is a bias to the blog. Conflicts and negative experiences take up a lot of space. This is the logic of writing. Conflict is interesting and people pay attention. When I have trouble with him is also when I feel most the need for some therapeutic release by writing about it. If I write that all is well and that we sit around drinking tea and holding hands it becomes dull. This means you get to read more about the problems than what they make up of our everyday life.

Chalerm gives me the attention I can expect of a 22-year old Thai boy (subtract ten years to get maturity). He is somewhat self-centred, for sure. That’s how they are. His capability for empathy is still developing. He cares, but sometimes he is just a thoughtless kid.

Chalerm is not spoiled. I haven’t given him cars, motorbikes, 40 000 B mobile phones, tickets to go alone on holiday abroad, credit cards or gold (all real examples from other Thai-Farang relationships I know about). He gets what he needs but nothing luxurious or out of the ordinary.

Don’t worry about me. I have my limits and I am not letting Chalerm get away with too much. He can get away with some things, and that is part of the give and take of a relationship. But he is sincere and honest and (crucially) he keeps improving.

+++

6. Anonymous said…
Hello again; this is anonymous no 2 once more re “lazy boy” . As a person who has lived in Thailand for many years now, at times with and at times without a Thai boyfriend, I feel my comments to you are well founded. Not ALL Thai boys are self-centred as you maintain; for sure, there is a degree of immaturity vis a vis western lads, but that does not per se mean they will be self-centred. No doubt you mean well in your relationship with Chalerm, but the truth is that if he is surly, pouting , ungrateful and unwilling to do much about the house you are providing for him, surely there is a message in that which you would do well to heed? The young Thai boys i know do care for and help the people who are looking after them, be they the parents or their lovers. I fear you are being used, but wish you well.

+++

7. Silom Farang said…
Chalerm is normally not surly, pouting , ungrateful or unwilling to do much about the house. There have been episodes, yes, but if he was as bad as you make him sound he would not live with me anymore. Remember again the boring everyday life doesn’t make it into the blog much.
Farang gay men who live here have different approaches to Thai boys… some have moneyboys they call boyfriends, some have boyfriends they are quite authoritarian with but it doesn’t work in the long run. Some have straight boys. Some have older (25 and up) boyfriends. Some keep their boyfriends on edge by constant “butterflying”. If you squeese them too hard they will oblige for the moment but you lose their hearts. You have to play this by ear depending on the boy. Being too hard and too soft with the boy are both unfortunate. Chalerm is quite sensitive, confrontation doesn’t work well. It is better to show him what he is doing and let him realise he is out of line in a soft way.

+++

8. Another Anonymous said…
By comparison to other gay Thai - falang relationships I know of, it sounds to me that Chalerm is about par for the course as 22-year old gay Thais go.
Some of your friends’ relationships that you have described before DO sound like horror stories. I haven’t come across any as bad as that or, for example, the story of “O” (no, not that story of O) over on Thaivisa.
One of the keys for my bf early on was recognizing his dysfunctional behaviour - after I brought it to his attention of course.
Does Chalerm admit to how childish some of the behaviour is that you have described ?

+++

9. Silom Farang said…
Chalerm does admit he is childish at times, and he does apologise too. He can get quite emotional if he understands he has hurt me.
The story of O? I looked up Thaivisa.com, which I had not read in a while. It turns out I know this “O” (Bangkok is a small town). Chalerm and “O” have even met. I can confirm “O” is a handful. But “O”s personality and problems are different from Chalerm’s. For a time I wondered who was more difficult, Chalerm or “O”, but you can’t compare them, really. The pouting, however, is something they both suffer from and so do most Thai boys. I told “O”s boyfriend that “O” was bad for him and that he should dump the boy. “O”s boyfriend told me Chalerm was bad for me and that I should dump the boy. Neither of us took the advice.