Gay Boy Thailand

Dear SF,

as a well introduced farang expat in Southeast Asia I may take this message as a good opportunity to thank you for your always well entertaining, sensible and “informative” humor.

Perhaps also a good opportunity to initiate a review of consciousness about the classification of people into gays or non-gays and all that what westerners bring in conjunction with that.

May it be that love and/or sex in its various ways between males are a very natural thing, kind of a natural birth control satisfying mens permanent eagerness for sexual activities? Read the rest of this entry »

Anonymous said…
You hit two of the biggies in one under-the-covers conversation - marriage, and him in farangland. I’ve had to deal at least theoretically with both of these issues, just not at the same time !

My bf is keen on marriage of some sort. I’m ambivalent at best about gay marriage. It’s not possible yet where I come from anyway. I particularly don’t want to ape the breeders. I’ve told him that’s my major objection - but the politics of marriage is not something I suspect he’s given much thought to. There’s something to be said for the lack of a legal link too. As much as I dislike the notion of a pre-nuptial, I can see some sense in it if we did do the full marriage thing.

So I’m actually keener on the Thai temple unoffficial style gay wedding. But there are no plans.

My bf and I are already semi-officially engaged. That resulted from a “face thing” - he decided he had to have a ring on his finger so everyone would know that our relationship was serious (we had been “an item” for 4 years). Not really necessary from my point of view, but for 2000 baht it made him happy. There was no ceremony as such, unless you call visiting the gold shop at the Mall Bangkapi a ceremony.

I’ve told my bf he will visit my home country one day, where I still live. In the mean time we’re travelling in the region (Singapore, soon Laos and Vietnam). He gets exposure to other cultures and stamps in his passport. And he begins to realize that the rest of the world is different to Thailand, and being gay means something different there too.

Discussions of coming to farangland are a good time to bring up the issue of him learning about your culture - before any trip.

The dilemma for me when discussing these difficult issues is making sure he feels secure with me, while realising that some things just may not be possible.

I hope you sort out something mutually “dreamy”.

I bet Chalerm Farang rolls off the tongue a bit easier that Silom his_family_name.

—

Silom Farang wrote…
Regarding Him in Farangland… this is not something that is on the horison. I just want to keep all options open. When I moved to Thailand in 2002 I was sure I would spend the rest of my days here. I am not equally sure anymore. One day maybe I have had enough and want to leave, or maybe political changes in Thailand take the fun out of living here (as has happened to a degree already). And living in a long-term relationship is different from coming here single and on the hunt. It is far off, but I won’t rule out going back to Farangland one day.

Chalerm has wedding plans. We spoke about this yesterday, in bed.

- I want to marry, said Chalerm, holding my hand.
- Who will you marry? I asked, teasing him.
- Not funny, said Chalerm.
- First you need to find someone to marry.
- Not kidding. Want to speak serious.
- OK. We can be serious. Why do you want to marry?
- Now we together four year. Is long time. I want marry you. Is good luck. Any Thai people want to marry one time in life. Want to have husband.
- Do you mean a ceremony in a temple?
- Yes.
- But we don’t get any papers if we do that.
- Is true. I want change name. I want family name you.
- Oh. Can you do that?
- In Thailand can not.
- You can in Farangland.
- I want go embassy marry you.
- I don’t think that is possible for gay marriage. We would have to go to Farangland.
- So we can go.
- It is not that easy.
- What is problem?
- Well, first you need a visa to Farangland and that is hard to get. I would have to guarantee for you. We would have to write a letter and give them pictures from our time together to prove that we are boyfriends. And then we need money for two air tickets.
- I want see Farangland.
- I am not sure if you will like it.
- Why?
- It is different. It is cold there. I would have to take you in summer.
- Never mind. I want see snow. And I want to see your mother.
- I think she would be happy to see you. She knows about you. She is glad I am not alone.
- I want to see Farangland. If you have to go home work I can go with you.
- Well, if I can’t stay in Thailand anymore it would be good that we were married so I could bring you home. That’s true.

Chalerm was happy and had a dreamy look on his face when we spoke about this. This is his dream – to get married and become my wife.

It is nice that I can be someone’s dream.

But I was reluctant when this subject came up. The cost and hassle to get him to Farangland for a ceremony, the culture shock he will get… I took a Thai boy to Farangland once before. That was my X, the rich kid. The import was such a disaster I don’t want to think about it.

Chalerm has never been outside of Thailand. He thinks Farangland is like Thailand, only with lots of farangs. I think he is too young to move, and too young even to be introduced to this other culture. I was thinking of taking him there when he turns 25. Chalerm thinks that our cross-generational cross-cultural relationship will go down as well in Farangland as it does here. In Thailand, most of his peers envy him that he found me. Many of them would steal me if they could. But in Farangland everything will be turned on its head.

So I don’t know. I keep putting it off. But I am touched that he wants to take my name. Chalerm Farang? That was sweet of him.