Gay Boy Thailand

My in-laws don’t like me

Chalerm has been in a so-so mood lately. I apply amateur psychology on him and think he is affected by his grandmother’s death. The grief process takes months or even years and he will go through various stages, some of them sad or angry.

Last month Chalerm was in a warm and sentimental phase and filled the house with flowers while giving me adoring looks.

But later he changed to anger and listed various faults and errors of mine and declared that he was breaking up with me and going to the UK by himself.

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Thanks to everyone for your greetings and sympathy regarding Chalerm’s grandmother.

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Should I join Chalerm going upcountry for his grandmother’s funeral? When he left in a hurry he didn’t ask if I wanted to come along.

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Chalerm’s family called yesterday and told him his grandmother had died. She was 74. Chalerm left for the village within an hour, only coming home to change and shower and get travel money from me.

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One Thai grandmother, age 73, mild tempered and quiet, low maintenance cost, believes in Buddhism, king and country, recently a widow, experienced in farming and rice cultivation, seeks a new husband.

Hobbies include watching the sky, sleeping, eating, doing nothing in particular, following Thai soap operas and the Royal Television Channel on cable, voodoo cooking and doing the laundry. This wise lady is youthful and comes with one small farm, a house, various household items and a farang grandson-in-law.

The ideal candiate will be a gentleman familar with Thai ways and a good understanding of rural dialects in the central plains region of Thailand.

Please write confidentially to “Two is company. Three is a crowd.”

Granny and I are home alone. Has it come to this? I am babysitting granny while Chalerm is upcountry.

Chalerm is in Xburi to attend the ceremony 8am Sunday when his friend is ordaining as a monk. A nice letter in Thai arrived announcing the event. Chalerm showed me the letter and asked how much I wanted to give. Give? Are people supposed to give money when someone takes a vow of poverty and anti-materialism? All a monk is to own is a robe, a rice bowl and sandals.

I replied rather grumpy that I didn’t know the chap and that Chalerm could give something if he felt like it.

—

The uber-frog is in town. President Chirac of France. He has been on TV all day. Why is the French head of state in Thailand for the first time ever? To test if the Thais have forgiven them trying to colonise the country several times, or for stealing Laos and Cambodia from the Siamese kings?

Nah, it must be something else. Maybe it is selling Airbus planes to Thaksin.

—

Peace is restored in The Mansion after Valentine’s Day. To Chalerm’s defence must be said that he still was a bit ill that day, recovering from granny’s voodoo cooking. He slept till 6pm and only got out of bed to go with me to see Brokeback Mountain. He had planned weeks ahead that we should see that movie on Valentine’s Day. So he certainly had not forgotten the day. He understood that the lack of card or any symbolic gift had hurt me, and made up for it.

Chalerm said Valentine’s Day is one day. Did I think he only loved me one day a year? That was sweetly said in a way.

—

Today I went to Maboonkrong to look for a digital camera and see what they would give for some trade-in I have. I didn’t get as far as getting a quote. I was enjoying a soup with Farang N when Chalerm called, demanding that I come home ASAP and give him the small Minolta digicam. I knew he was going upcountry to that ceremony but I didn’t know he was leaving Saturday afternoon.

We argued a bit about that, with I saying that he could come to MBK and get it if it was so urgent. But in the event I gave in and took a taxi home. Chalerm was waiting at home, hugging me, bringing me water, getting me sweets from the 7-Eleven and pampering me for the effort. Then he left.

I am thinking of buying a Minolta 5D. This is an un-prudent investment, buying a brand that has only six weeks left in business! Sony is taking over their camera factory. But the Minolta 5D has just the features I want so to h*** with the resale value.

Buy one while you can

—

I could not buy the camera today even if I had the time. When I went to Bangkok Bank to get cash advance from my credit card I discovered they now are open only Monday to Friday. Maybe I can get it from an ATM tomorrow. But then I have to dig up the PIN code.

—

As I reported to Farang N I ran into three gay boys from a certain upscale school yesterday near my home. Farang N used to teach there. There is no mistaking their uniform. There is no mistaking their rich kid attitude either, so maybe I did well not getting involved with them. For a moment I thought about asking them to come for tea and cookies. But how they reeked of… eh… something… maybe sluttiness is the word.

Granny must have been here for three weeks now. She has staked out the kitchen as her territory in the daytime. She sits and looks out the window. By now both she and Chalerm have recovered from their own cooking.

Chalerm was busy taking pictures of himself in underwear today, using auto timer on the small digital camera he has. I said he must not put those on the Internet. No reply.

Farang S and I spent another couple of hours trying to fix Chalerm’s computer yesterday. This must be the 5th such session, and the cursed thing still doesn’t work. We can’t get Internet to it. Farang S did most of the tinkering while I kept him company. He is good at this, but no trick can restore the connection. We tried installing different versions of Windows even, 98, 2000 and ME. I had enough of the PC. It is now degraded to an off-line typewriter.

I was unhappy Chalerm didn’t give me anything for Valentine. No card, no cutie gift. It doesn’t matter what it is, a 20 B red heart on a stick from the 7-Eleven would do fine. When I asked him he said he could not make up his mind what to give me, so he bought nothing. I asked if he had liked it if I had ignored the V-day. He said “up to me”, and that he had stuffed animals already so the gift wasn’t that important. Grrrr! This is the childish immature Chalerm again. He doesn’t consider how I feel about it. He even has the nerve to speak about the gift he received in a dismissive way. He doesn’t mean to hurt me, it is just that 12-year old part of his brain kicking in. At least he gave me romantic messages in person and by phone. Nevertheless, I am going to get him for this. I am just waiting for the right moment.

Farang D’s web site is nearly done. It is now 32 pages. Chalerm went to his office with a part invoice since Farang D said I should not wait until the bill became a large sum. His Thai bf aka the financial officer likes to pay in smaller installments. But now the two are going abroad and I haven’t seen any of the money. But those who wait for something good…

Chalerm bought another mobile phone. This one is yellow. He keeps changing them every six months. Where does he get the money from? At least he trades in the old one for another 2nd hand model. He doesn’t buy 40 000 baht phones. (Leave that to Farang D’s boyfriend).

I have identified yet another small gay boy/ladyboy-in-waiting in my neighbourhood. This one is Thai-Chinese and chubby. What is the gay rate in Thailand? I have heard 5% mentioned. That would be one in twenty, the gay for pay or flexible ones not counted.

Chalerm has holiday from school. As usual he didn’t tell me before the fact. He just stayed home one day and that was how I discovered he had time off. I would like to know about his holidays so we can plan a trip. But it doesn’t occur to him to tell me. It doesn’t occur to him to look it up either, he hears about the holiday right before it begins.

Granny gave off some bad vibrations this morning when she came out of her room. I could not tell why. Was that an angry look she sent me? How strange. As usual she didn’t say anything, she just stood there for a moment, and then she went to the kitchen.

While this was unexplained I noticed Chalerm had forgotten a letter he was supposed to give to Farang D’s office today. The letter was an invoice, a part payment for web work I have done for them. Chalerm was out late yesterday with the ladyboy crowd. Maybe he was in a hurry when he left hom this morning.

In the afternoon I called Farang D’s office to speak to Chalerm and remind him he had forgotten the letter. Khun A answered the phone. No, Chalerm was not in the office and he had not seen him today. Chalerm had called in the morning to say he would not come to work.

Hearing this I went to investigate. In granny’s bedroom was Chalerm, sleeping but waking up when I came in.
- Are you sick? I asked.
- Not sick.
- What happened?
- Not happen.
- Too much dancing and nightlife?
- No.
- Where did you go last night?
- Sri Rachada.
- Why are you not getting up?
- Want to rest.
He looked exhausted, his face slightly swollen.

Well. I had warned him that he should come home early if he was to get up for work this morning. I was against his nightlife activities this weekend. There was something fishy about it, in particular yesterday. Is granny angry because he skipped work or is there something else going on? What is Chalerm up to? Various scary scenarios passed through my mind. I tried not to think about them.

I had planned to give Chalerm his weekly allowance from the money I got from Farang D’s company. I also planned to pay back 1500 baht to Chalerm for dental work he had Saturday, and which he borrowed money from granny to pay for.

I have alerted Farang D that Chalerm didn’t go to work. I don’t want the other boys to cover for Chalerm so he gets paid for today anyway.

When Chalerm gets up, probably after the sun is down, we need to have a little talk.

1. Chalerm said it was easy to make money. He could just go to Singapore and sit around in a pub, and he would make 20 000 baht a day. Who told him this? He refused to answer. I have some suspects, namely the Three Ladyboys. A couple of them have the air of business around them.

2. Granny is still here. My heartless plan of holding back her pension until she left came to nothing. I am not very good at intrigue and blackmail. I gave her the money as usual, at the time she usually gets it, and said nothing. Chalerm wanted me to personally hand over the money to granny, but I said he could do it.

3. I have made three dozen web pages for Farang D’s business, and it feels great to watch the site grow. It doesn’t feel as great when I am stuck with some technical issue, which happens now and then. But overall I feel a carpenter’s pride of building a house with my own hands.

4. Chalerm is in a good mood. He sends me romantic text messages on the phone. “I keep my heart with the sun. I keep my kisses with the moon. I keep my good care with the star. Can I keep my love with you?”

5. Tuesday is Valentine’s. The shops in Bangkok have been filled with red hearts and pink stuffed animals for a week already. I will buy him something to add to the ever growing collection of romantic stuff Chalerm keeps behind glass in the living room.

6. I feel quite romantic myself. The last few weeks have been good here in The Mansion. Is this despite granny or because of her? Chalerm is happy to see her. After he moved to Bangkok he hasn’t seen her that often. Granny is getting long in the tooth and it is nice that he gets to spend some quality time with the woman who raised him while she is still up and about.

7. I can recognise a number of European languages by the sound, such as Russian and Italian. And Danish. I ran into a middle aged Danish couple on Silom road today. I wondered if I should ask them about the prophet cartoons but guessed they had enough of it already.

8. If two men try to shout to each other from opposite sides of Silom road they are probably Italian.

9. Some Russians were making a fuss because the French Fries at Burger King were cold. These spoiled Russians are used to hot French Fries! The confused staff took back the fries and gave them new fries only to be told that the new batch also were cold. At Burger King Silom they don’t make fries to each customer as orders come in. They make a lot of fries at the same time so it will last a while. It works with rice.

Anonymous wrote…
First it was Thai Boy Entitlement Syndrome, now it’s Cranky Old Thai Hag Entitlement Syndrome. I don’t know how you put up with it.

Chalerm may not be in a position to explain to her what is acceptable behaviour, but some one should - she needs to ask if she can come to visit, say how long she’s staying, make sure it’s not too long, don’t insult the farang, and make her own entertainment. And make it VERY clear that she appreciates her pension.

You’re not in the merit making business.

Silom Farang wrote:
According to Wester culture I agree with you. According to Thai culture… well… That Granny should ask before she comes to visit us? Oh no can do. She is The Elder. She is really entitled. It is her right to visit any of her family when she feels like it, and to stay as long as she wants. It is the duty of the family (Chalerm and me included) to take care of her.

To ask her how long she intends to stay would be an insult. She doesn’t know that anyway, she will arrive without any plan or time limit and she will make up her mind to leave one day.

The only reason I get to hear about her arrival before she walks in the door is that she calls ahead to get Chalerm to pick her up at the bus station.

She has never thanked me for her pension, or mentioned the pension at all. If anything we, the younger ones, should thank her. It is the duty of her (grand)children to provide for her in old age. As she sees it, Chalerm is only doing what he should do when he gives her money every month. Never mind that it is actually my money.

Since she is The Elder it doesn’t matter that it is my apartment. She must be number one in the house. She can criticise the younger ones but they can’t criticise her. She must be respected.

That’s Thai culture. It would be unwise of me to challenge granny directly, for example by telling her that her time is up and that she can go back to Anyburi now. Thais would see that as barbaric behaviour. If I have anything unresolved with her I must use indirect means, Thai style, and avoid confrontation. I could, for instance, tell Chalerm that since granny is here now I might as well keep the pension money safely in the bank untill she needs it…

I spoke to Chalerm about his grandmother yesterday. He tried to smooth things over and said she liked me and only said nice things about me. Regarding what she had said about the farang, maybe that wasn’t about me but about some fat farang she had seen on TV.

Hmmm. I am not convinced. Anyway, I will let it pass.

No, I won’t hold back her pension. That was just my petty mind in the heat of the moment.

But the pattern repeats itself. She has stayed here up to two weeks at a time before, and things get a little tense. It is not easy for a Westerner to deal with a house guest who arrives unannounced, doesn’t say how long she will stay, doesn’t say anything at all actually, and who thinks this is the natural way of visiting people.

It is not just her, I get tired of any Thai guests if they stay for weeks.

Granny has her routines and her favourite TV programmes and she doesn’t like to be disturbed. Sunday evening Farang S and I invaded her bedroom in the evening as we were trying to fix Chalerm’s computer. We apologised for the intrusion (Farang S speaks excellent Thai) and explained what we were going to do. It got a little cramped in there as she was resting and didn’t leave. But she went to the kitchen when I turned on the air condition. Anything under 25 C is bitterly cold for her.

And then I watched DVD movies three days in a row in her TV time… yes, she must find me annoying.

Chalerm’s grandmother is here again. She came back last week having spent a while with Chalerm’s father in Rangsit.

I have kind of gotten used to that she walks around here without speaking. She has her route from the bedroom to the kitchen and back. In the evening she watches TV.

Today when I came home unexpectedly Chalerm and granny were sitting in the living room and I felt bad vibes. I could sense granny was thinking “here comes that farang again!”. Chalerm was a bit tense too, but he left as he had to go to class.

Later today I was eating some potato chips (Lay Classic, 20B) and I heard granny say in Thai: “It is no wonder the farang is fat the way he is eating”. And then she started to complain that I was using the TV to see DVD movies so she could not watch her soap operas.

Chalerm was embarrassed and looked at me to see if I understood what she said. I didn’t say anything.

This weekend I was re-watching the three “Matrix” movies on DVD and this must have blocked granny’s TV time. Still, I don’t appreciate rude comments. I can show her who is boss, I thought. Just delay her pension a couple of days.

Hopefully I will not need such low tricks but I have the power and I won’t take any BS. I want to do this Thai style, which means that granny is welcome here and I will be polite to her as the head of the clan. But then the courtesy must be mutual.

Granny and auntie came yesterday. I don’t ask how long they intend to stay. To ask is un-Thai. Maybe they will stay for two hours, maybe two weeks. Maybe they will stay for life.

I was almost annoyed seeing how happy Chalerm was when they came. He is supposed to be happy with me! But as soon as his relatives came Chalerm entered a state of relaxed satisfaction. He truly enjoyed the visit. The two women happen to be the ones he trust and like in his family. They have always supported him.

Surprise! This morning Chalerm announced granny and auntie were leaving already. They were going to visit Chalerm’s father, who is somewhere in Bangkok. They asked if I wanted to come along but I was “too busy”. I don’t mind the father (as long as I don’t have to pay for fixing his gonorrea again) but I have “issues” with his wife, Chalerm’s stepmother.

I had braced myself for this visit, as the last one when granny was here for a couple of weeks was a little strange. I can’t get used to having this person in my home who doesn’t speak to me, doesn’t do anything but stare out the window or watch tv, and in general behaves as if I don’t exist. My friend Farang Dee said this time I should see them as part of the furniture. To them I am such an alien creature that they don’t really consider me human, much less someone one should greet and talk to. I tried this and it worked better. I exchanged two words with granny and about ten with auntie. The exessive chatter with auntie was about how to find Channel 9 on the TV.

In Thailand people don’t ask if they can come, they just show up. So I guess I should be grateful I am told at all this afternoon that Chalerm’s aunt and grandmother are on the bus and will arrive here in a few hours.

The granny has been here before, up to two weeks at a time. She doesn’t say much. The aunt has not been here before. She is legally Chalerm’s mother according to the government register, as she is the one who presented baby Chalerm to authorites in the abscence of the real mother. Granny, meanwhile, has been Chalerm’s de facto mother while he grew up. This means Chalerm will have two mothers here.

Chalerm’s grandmother left this morning. I wai’ed her before Chalerm took her to the bus station.

By now I was used to having granny here. She still didn’t say anything but I sensed Chalerm was happy she was here. Chalerm has been in a good mood the last couple of weeks. I have been hugged and kissed several times a day.

Granny slept a lot but got up at 5am. She preferred a bucket of water to clean herself rather than the shower. Granny is doing it the traditional way.

She still calls me “the farang”. If any of Chalerm’s friends call me that I start calling them “the Thai”. Then they get the point. But I can’t do that with granny.

I haven’t been to Anyburi for a long time. I hear the XL ladyboy (now the XXL ladyboy) is still a monk up there. Maybe I and Chalerm should rent a car and go on another expedition to the village. We’ll see.

My grandmother-in-law has stayed with Chalerm and I for a week now. Granny is a widow and 72 years old. She has ran out of grandchildren to baby-sit in the village and now she is on holiday in Bangkok.

Granny doesn’t do much when she stays with us. Actually she doesn’t do anything. My idea of nothing doing anything, lazy as it is, at least includes reading a book, surfing the Internet or daydreaming while watching the sky. When granny does nothing she really does nothing. She doesn’t watch television, she doesn’t listen to the radio, and she doesn’t even look out the window. I am impressed.

Thais like to come to visit suddenly, without telling you before they arrive. I am lucky if I am told when she leaves the village by bus.

Chalerm went up to Anybury to get her so this time I got an early warning. Chalerm no longer spends much time in Anyburi. He was homesick at first when he moved to Bangkok. But now he isn’t in school in Anyburi anymore. Many of his friends have moved away. Those who remain are married, or they have 12-hour-a-day jobs and Chalerm doesn’t see them. There is little for Chalerm to do in the village. He can organise fun and games for the children, which he does sometimes, but that quickly gets boring. Now Chalerm goes back to the village and returns to Bangkok in one day.

I am not supposed to ask how long granny will stay here. Thais don’t like to plan ahead. If I ask Chalerm will ask me why I need to know. This is true. I don’t need to know. It is simply my farang habit of asking, wanting to know what the plan is. But this being Thailand there is no plan. Maybe she will stay another day, or another week, or another year. I will not know until she suddenly has packed her bag and is leaving.

I am not sure if granny considers me a human life form or not. I am a farang and she sees me as I would see a little green man from Mars – a complete alien. Granny doesn’t speak to me. This is not out of hostility but because I am an alien. Would you speak to an alien?

Granny has diabetes and makes her own special food in the kitchen. Chalerm has his own taste and makes his food too, or eats out in the soi. Granny never leaves the apartment. Bangkok is a big place and she is afraid of getting lost. I think she is wise. I don’t want any granny search and rescue operation. I have yet another taste in food (no rotten fish with stinky sauce please) so I also eat out. I am afraid we have no cosy family meals in this house.

Granny doesn’t like air condition. Instead she opens the window and turns on the fan. She forgets to close the door to her room and then her scheme ruins my air condition.

Granny has staked her territory in our apartment. She has the guest bedroom, the kitchen and the 3rd bathroom, which I had forgotten we had. The 3rd bathroom is tiny. Inside are a squat toilet and a cold-water shower. I have never used this bathroom but granny much prefers it to our incomprehensible Western-style bathrooms.

My grandmother-in-law doesn’t make much fuss. She never sits in the living room. She seems surprised if she runs into me. The look on her face says “Do you live here too?”