SF, a couple of questions:

- Where along your BF-to-lover continuum is Chalerm? Do you love him?

- Is it conceivable this dust-up might result in you and Farang D speaking again??

I’ve been thinking about Thai-foreigner relationships a lot lately- most of this is not directly related to SF or his boyfriend, but may be of interest to him and his blogfans. I think that the mindset which refers to Thais as children, boys, etc. when they are already 20+ years old shows something about the problems some foreigners have dating them. They aren’t interchangeable toys. If you perceive them as “all the same” quite likely the element which is the same is you.

I’m not going to bash those who are looking for boyfriends younger than they are- it’s obvious why they do it, and probably everyone has tried or will try it at some point in their lives (including me). I think it’s worth talking about doing this with your eyes open, though.

I see trends in these types of Thai discussions- there’s always a word from the deluded or the hateful crowds- the ones who think that there are teeming hordes of Thai young men out there looking for near-retirees and older, or the ones who scoff at the idea of any Thai young men out there looking for the same. I think there are some, but not many. It’s pretty unlikely that a tourist will find any of them. It’s not likely that a local will find them quickly. If you do find them, you’ll recognize it when you realize that for your partner, you are the pretty one. I’ve seen it happen enough times that I know it does with frequency that would seem surprising to the “nay-sayers.”

But that doesn’t mean the relationship will be a good one- is every relationship starting in physical attraction going to work? Of course not. So much older men here looking for younger men start with long odds for their chances, and then have further obstacles from the cultural divide, the economic divide, the language divide, the age divide, and the usual personality factors that keep relationships from working.

This doesn’t mean it’s impossible or not worth trying, but if you try to paper over these things with money or pretend they don’t matter, you’ll be wasting a lot of time. If you can’t honestly believe that your bf is attracted to you- if he isn’t clearly enthusiastic and passionate about you from the start- I don’t think any of the rest is more than playing let’s pretend. Some people may want to do that, but I think there are way more than enough people in Thailand for there to be someone worthwhile here for everyone who manages to keep a foothold. It’s a matter of self-respect- don’t most of us want a partner we can be pretty sure loves us? Start from that- and few things remain mysteries and uncertainties in that light, harsh as it is.

He got a job by himself and he is working 6 days a week and he loves his work.

He pays for his appartment himself, the only thing I helped him with was the deposit, which he payed me back already after he had enough money

He will start going to university in june and thats the only thing he asked me if I could help him with, which I am more than willing to do. And he is really looking forward to start his studies. He also already has secured a part time job when he is on university since he doesnt want me to pay fully for it.

What I want to say with that is, it sometimes makes me really sick if people write that all Thais are all about the money and blah blah blah.

All I can say is, that at least in my case its not true.

“How can you own a thai boys heart? If it takes more than money, what would it take?”

You cannot own a thai boys heart, he can only give it to you.
Well, with money, you can probably pretend that you own it.

And to SF: Im sure you will work things out. There is a reason why you stay together with a person that long, there’s gotta be at least some connection And I dont think it was all about the money. Maybe he just needs a soft kick in the butt from time to time

You can’t force Thai boy western way of thinking.

For poor gay Thai boy, living with rich Farang
(Farang must always be rich for Thai !) means
that he can live without working.

If you want to live with Thai boy, you must
accept this thinking.

Because, one of the reasons you can find easily
young gay boy to live with in Thailand is based
on this Thai way of thinking.

You Know that in your home country, you can’t
find young boy to live with older gay like you
unless you are extremely rich.

In Thailand, because it’s poverty, a farang not
so rich like you can afford young boy.

It’s strictly matter of money.

But, remenber, what you can buy with your
money is only Thai boy’s body, not his heart.

But Chalem has the prospect of an interesting job, although his current one may be boring.

I thought that it was great that my bf had any job. I was wrong. When he had a boring job, he was mostly a pain in the arse to be around. Since he’s had a busy job in a big traditional office, he’s been much better.

If Chalerm doesn’t work, he will get bored and will be even more of a pain to live with. And he will have no means to make the boredom go away, except maybe drugs, alcohol, gambling, etc. So while there is something to be said for letting him find that out for himself, it could go pear shaped.

How far is he from finsihing his course and being able to get a proper job where he can really use what he has learned ?