Chalerm went to Silom road to eat. I went to bed. When I woke up at 3.30am and he still wasn’t home I called him.
- Where are you? I asked.
- Silom.
- Do you like it there?
Silence. Chalerm could tell from my tone something was coming.
- Good, I continued. – You can stay there. I am locking the door.
More silence.
- Good night, I said and ended the call.
I went back to bed but I could not sleep. After 20 minutes of twisting and worrying I got up again and unlocked the door. Then I could sleep again.
I don’t know when Chalerm came home, but it was some time between when I had spoken to him and sunrise. In the morning he gave me two clean shirts, one of them with a stain on it. Then the left to work in Farang D’s office.
The doorbell rang in the afternoon. It was Chalerm’s cousin When. I let her in. Chalerm had not said she would come here, or asked if it suited me that she arrived, or said how long she intended to stay, or what brought her here. But Chalerm never tells me such things. People come and people go. Chalerm says it is against Thai culture to ask a guest any questions of this nature.
Cousin When is 20. She is the domestic type, good with the laundry. Maybe I should keep her and send Chalerm home to Anyburi.
March 13th, 2007 at 10:13 am
I think it would be a wise idea for him to have his own apartment, where he could do whatever…and when he comes to your house make it known these are your rules.
March 13th, 2007 at 12:10 pm
What a problematic boyfriend,yes,he should have his own place,by his own means, and see each other when you feel like it. I wouldn’t put up with someone like that,or his family and friends.
March 13th, 2007 at 12:25 pm
He definitely seems to be taking things for granted lately.
March 13th, 2007 at 12:33 pm
The lure of friends and the obligations of family must be the two biggest thing that breaks up these farang/Thai relationships.
It’s your house, farang rules apply, assert them. Just my opinion.
March 13th, 2007 at 1:48 pm
I’m afraid I have to agree with Trongpai, my house = my rules. You don’t like = leave!
I applied this rule last week in BKK and it seemed to work, there was much imploring and apologising etc.
I feel the boys are becoming more and more westernised every year. The benefactor must be the boss, “my way or the highway!”
March 13th, 2007 at 4:01 pm
Although it’s clear from your writing Chalerm’s behaviour is causing you some stress, none of us can really know just how much. Is it really make or break time as some readers think?
I would have thought the objective at this stage would be to change him but not to lose him?
Maybe it’s time to sit him down and explain how serious theses niggles have become and ask him to change. Maybe you also need to explain to him the possible consequences of his failure to change and the effect it would have on his life - education - dentist - apartment - stability - lover - status - friends etc.
As BT used to say… “it’s good to talk”.
March 13th, 2007 at 8:54 pm
I have a question: Would Chalerm be your boyfriend if you weren’t giving him an allowance, paying his bills and giving him a place to live? It seems to me Chalerm has simply outgrown his relationship with you and is looking for happiness elsewhere. Of course, he’ll continue the boyfriend charade as long as there’s a financial incentive to do so. Forget about setting rules, trying to change him or warning him of consequences; you can’t change what’s in someone’s heart. If he likes what’s in your heart he’d be there for you, not leaving you behind and not staying out on Silom till dawn.
March 13th, 2007 at 9:21 pm
Changing a Thai? Interesting concept. While quite affectionate and loyal they are also head strong and self absorbed. It is the mystery that is ever so interesting…and fascinating!
I am not real sure that a Thai broken of their bad habits would be as endearing!
Thus is the Ying and Yang of matters of the heart!
March 13th, 2007 at 11:41 pm
Maybe it is easier to change the Farang?
March 14th, 2007 at 3:09 am
Kick him out. The behaviour is unreasonable.
March 14th, 2007 at 9:04 am
I am starting to think that SF likes being treated this way, otherwise, he would have done something long time ago. Chalerm will continue irritating you if you don’t start setting some ground rules. It is your house, but you’re certainly acting like a guest.
March 15th, 2007 at 4:58 pm
While I know Thai don’t necessarily have the same concept of time as Westerners, I would not care how cute, hot and charming a guy was. I could not cope with the constant instability.
March 15th, 2007 at 6:47 pm
how about getting a lover. Should get you more attention from Charlerm otherwice guess the romantic part of the relationship is dead. Could be fun if you invite young thai friends to stay and dont tell too much about it to Charlerm just like he invites his friends. But still I would say you have a father son relationship and have to accept you have seperate lifes and your lifes only cross when there are problems eg. no more clean shirts, no more money etc. I have the impression you are not a much into the sex action more like to look and only flirt and that you like to be critical, critical mark mark. So the life you have might just be perferct for you.