Gay Boy Thailand

Plan your vandal budget

My trip from the airport to downtown Udon Thani was held up for a while by cows on the road.

First impression: why is this place flat? I thought Isaan was supposed to be hilly. Second impression: why are the locals not Isaan-looking? Only the tuk-tuk drivers were of the dark, flat-nosed variety I had expected. The others looked standard Thai, or Northern, or Chinese, or hill tribe-ish.

It seemed to be two main types of farangs coming to Udon Thani. The smallest group were people heading for Laos, visa runners included. The largest group were farangs married to Isaan women, often ladies they had met in a bar.

This is not something one should mention. “Excuse me, but I believe I recognise your wife. She was Number 72 at Pussy Galore in Pattaya, right? A great pole dancer and a hottie in the sack, I remember. An excellent choice, sir.”

The retired farangs sit all day in the bars and restaurants in Udon, watching life go by.

My hotel had only a few guests. I was impressed with how the place was run. The drinking glasses in my room were wrapped in plastic that read “Sterilized for your safety”. Wonderful how they care, isn’t it? I have watched the maids do the sterilising. They wash the glasses in cold water under the tap in the bathroom, using their fingers, and then they put the cover marked “Sterilized” back on.

The hotel was well suited to hard rock bands and other guests who enjoy vandalising their rooms. A complete price list of things to vandalise was on the wall. It contained some items I had not thought of as possible to wreck, such as soap dishes.

I went outside after dark. A handful of hookers sat under some trees. The most aggressive one was over fifty. I told them I was on my way to the only gay bar in Udon Thani, Boy Boy Bar.

Boy Boy Bar was a karaoke place with one other customer, and half a dozen boys. The combined DJ and manager looked gay, the others were straight. They were all either 18 or 19 years old. They could not be younger because the police said so, and they could not be older because the bar owner said so. All were dressed in street clothes and nobody spoke any English.